So, we're No. 26. I don't know about you, but I'm not all that happy with our ranking and I think they've missed a few things.

What I'm talking about, of course, is the rankings of great sports cities published last week by The Sporting News. They ranked 399 cities. You are already suspicious of any list of 399 things. Especially when they rank Murfeesboro, Tenn., right ahead of Honolulu. But, let's let the list be honored.

I'm willing to fight for what I believe. And I think we deserve a higher ranking than 26. I've attended sporting events in all the 25 cities that beat us instead of Nashville and the trio of San Jose-Palo Alto-Santa Clara.

And, I can tell you we beat a lot of those other cities hands-down.

The criteria used by the paper included the city's number of teams and their regular-season win-loss records, playoff berths, bowl appearances and tournament bids, championships, applicable power ratings, attendance and fan fervor.

The first problem with this list is that they didn't give us credit for the Green Bay Packers or the Wisconsin Badgers. The evaluation team took the Packers away from us and gave it to Green Bay, which ranked 51st on the list. They hijacked the Badgers and ranked Madison No. 75.

That's patently absurd. I mean, the Packers used to play in Milwaukee. Even now, they have games that are called "Milwaukee games." You throw the Packers and Badgers into the Milwaukee mix, along with their playoff berths and championships and we will bounce to No. 10, at least.

Another thing they didn't consider is accessibility. When we plan on going to a game, we usually sleep in until about an hour before game time. Then we get up, shower, get dressed, drive to the stadium, park, go find our seats and get our first beer and bag of peanuts.

In Chicago, for example, you might have to actually get a reservation in a motel for an overnight stay if you are driving to some games. You start on Tuesday and you might actually make it to the stadium by Wednesday night. So now we can move ourselves up to about No. 5 on the list.

The next thing they missed is what I like to call "The Scandal Shock Factor." When we have a scandal, we pay attention. Reggie Jackson roughing up a fan at Major Goolsby's. Charles Barkley slugging a guy on Water Street. James Lofton and Eddie Lee Ivery in the stairwell with a stripper. A football star climbs into a hot tub of high schoolers.

These scandals last for weeks in Milwaukee. Reams of copy are devoted to them. In the four cities still above us -- Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Boston and Chicago -- these scandals wouldn't even merit a moment on sports talk radio. So, our ability to be shocked by scandal moves us up to No. 2 on the list, just behind Pittsburgh.

So, let's compare Pittsburgh and Milwaukee. The Packers and Steelers are a push. The Brewers are better than the Pirates. We have the Bucks, they have a hockey team. That's not even a contest, Stanley Cup beside the point. They have Pitt, we have Marquette and Wisconsin. They have the terrible towel, and we don't.

They have a better ballet than we do, but our symphony orchestra puts theirs to shame. They've got three rivers, we've got Lake Michigan. Our theater offerings kill theirs. I know it's hard to believe, but more movies are made in Wisconsin than in Pittsburgh. Milwaukee is the big dog in the state of Wisconsin. Pittsburgh is the poor step-child of Philadelphia.

Both of our cities have proud, blue-collar histories. They had steel, we had beer. We both have four seasons and we both get snow. Both of our daily newspapers have fallen on hard times and are mere shadows of their former greatness.

In short, we are very similar to Pittsburgh. It's hard to choose. Until you consider the thing that tips it our way. Food.

Our most famous sandwich, the kind you get at Miller Park, is a locally made bratwurst, dipped in Stadium Sauce and wrapped in a fresh roll.

Pittsburgh's most famous sandwich, available at the famous Primanti Brothers, is a jumbo bologna and cheese, topped with French fries, cole slaw, tomatoes and onions on white bread.

We're No. 1. We're No. 1. We're No. 1!