Time to "Get Your Story Straight" as the hilariously famous NFL commercials say.

OK. Here we go. My pre-season predictions, annotated to reflect history. We start with my local heroes from Washington and spin through the rest of the league.

Redskins, 7-9
The defense will be better, but even if it is 15 slots better (and that's a lot!), they are still just 16th. Not enough to make them playoff caliber. There's no chance Clinton Portis plays a full 16-game season. No. Chance. This is not me going out on a limb. The O-line is in danger of finally collapsing. Chris Samuels and Jon Jansen have been good/great together for about seven full years. That doesn't last forever, people.

Jason Campbell is going to be exhilarating when he throws downfield. But, I also feel that he has a hard time feeling NFL pocket pressure and exposes himself to too many dump truck-like shots. When it's all said and done, there will be enough three- to seven-point losses for fans to say "Well, if we just could have flipped this, that, and the other one, we would have been 10-6!" That's what every 7-9 team can say. They are in position to get better this year; will they have enough patience to do it again in '08?
NOTE: I was wrong about the defense not being good enough to be playoff caliber. It was, and that included the death of its best player. However, the other stuff is pretty good. Except for the Portis thing. Sorry Clinton. 16 for 16. I'll shut my mouth now.

Division By Division

NFC East

Philadelphia: Like the battery on Robert Conrad's shoulder, "Go ahead, knock it off."
NOTE: Failed to account for McNabb's knee injury bothering him so long into the season.

Dallas: Good Romo. Bad Romo! Goooood Romo. Baaad Romo!
NOTE: About sums up the season, doesn't it?

Washington: Campbell's learning curve takes full shape.
NOTE: He was really rounding into a nice QB when he got hurt.

N.Y. Giants: They'll regret a lot of things, especially bringing Strahan back.
NOTE: Comically bad prediction here. Cue the NFL Network promo.

NFC North

Chicago: Once Griese replaces Rex for good, they'll wonder why it took so damn long.
NOTE: Oh, no they won't. So much for "on paper" everybody "being back."

Detroit: I'm a sucker for Mike Martz. Might end up with a top-five offense.
NOTE: Key word: "sucker."

Green Bay: Can Mr. Low-INT Favre return for one more year?
NOTE: Yes he can, and THEN some! Wow.

Minnesota: Explaining their "plan" would take a whole chalkboard.
NOTE: Replace "plan" with "Tavaris Jackson's Game" and I'm spot on.

NFC South

Atlanta: Shocking revelation: Vick WAS the problem, not the solution.
NOTE: Actually, Bobby Petrino was the problem. The players hated him, and resented the fact that their star player was going to jail for a crime they considered no worse than jaywalking.

Carolina: O-Line still not good enough to make Delhomme comfy.
NOTE: Understatement! Jake practically got killed and missed almost all of the season!

New Orleans: Life with a bulls-eye on your back sucks. Back to the drawing board.
NOTE: Gimme some DAP people. I was the only one out there predicting a hard fall.

Tampa Bay: Gruden's last days. Welding Garcia onto a bad team won't cut it.
NOTE: Nope, and nope. Nice try though, baldy!

NFC West

San Francisco: Sharp dressed coach, young hungry team. It's time.
NOTE: Did Peter King write this one, or was that really my keyboard?

St. Louis: Prolific offense can't offset a developing D.
NOTE: Tsunami of injuries made anybody's take on the '07 Rams irrelevant.

Arizona: Will still stuff fantasy box scores, but they are still the Cards.
NOTE: Do I know these Cardinals, or do I know these Cardinals? Huh?

Seattle: The bottom falls out, and Holmgren's head explodes in sideline rage.
NOTE: The bottom was falling out, until Holmgren canceled the Shawn Alexander show and reverted to an Air Coryell imitation. Half right.

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