OK, so the Brewers are going to be in the divisional playoffs, the National League Championship Series and in the World Series.

Don't laugh. It could happen.

The Brewers are hot. And they've got a little bit of that smell of destiny about them. One theory is that they are too young and too dumb to even know they aren't supposed to be this good.

Whatever, it is beginning to look like the Brewers are destined for bigger and better things. And along with that success comes something we all seek.

Big National Attention!

But along with Big National Attention comes something we should all fear -- a very, very, very close look at ourselves.

Let me explain. Events like the playoffs and World Series attract hundreds of reporters. It's pack journalism at it's best. Having been part of this kind of event over the years, I can testify that every reporter is looking for something unique to write about.

One year at the Super Bowl in Miami I met a hooker who was on her way from Atlanta. She was reading the book "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong. I asked her why she was reading it and she replied it was kind of like "cramming for a final exam." Bango, one unique article for me.

The thing is that reporters are naturally inquisitive and will look around for chances to write about stuff that might or might not have anything to do with baseball.

So I've been thinking about things I want to change before the national press arrives.

Generally they fall into two categories.

There's the outside baseball stuff, like our murder rate and the high unemployment and the general climate of violence in our central city.

And there's the baseball stuff. That's where I'm going to concentrate today. I don't expect that this is everything, but at least it's a start.

1. Cheerleaders / Dance Team / Sexy Girls in Scanty Outfits. Many teams have them. As do the Brewers. About two dozen cute girls who wear scanty clothes and come out before the game and do a dance routine and then disappear, never to be seen again. I like sexy girls as much as the next red-blooded American male. But these girls come out, dance and then get down and roll in the dirt near home plate and the dugout. IN THE DIRT! ROLLING AROUND IN IT! This is the kind of fodder that reporters could not resist. Let's find a way to let these girls dance around without the rolling around.

2. Secret Stadium Sauce. This stuff is clearly worth a story. But, I discovered a problem with it during a game about a week ago. I went to one stand and got an Italian dipped in the sauce. Wonderful. Later I went to another stand and asked for another Italian dipped in sauce. The clerk informed me they didn't have the sauce. I could put it on myself, from the condiment stand. Absolutely unacceptable. Keep the sauce a secret behind the counter. If someone wants it, do it for them. Don't let people run crazy putting it on themselves.

That's about it for now. I'm sure that as the attention builds and as the Brewers continue winning and as the playoffs grow nearer I'll come up with more stuff. But for now, let's just concentrate on these two.