Merry Christmas, everyone.

I hope you woke up this morning to find that Santa slid down your chimney overnight with everything you wanted for Christmas.

I don't know what was in those brightly colored boxes under your tree, but I do have the inside knowledge of things that were under some other trees.

These are not necessarily things that were requested, but they are clearly things that the people in question should have and can really use.

Here we go:

The Brewers -- A left-handed hitting third baseman who can field, a stopper who can actually stop for a whole season and a voodoo doctor to keep Ben Sheets healthy for an entire year.

The Packers -- A big box with a card that says, "Do Not Open Until February 3, 2008." It's signed by Roger Goodell. (Think about it).

The Bucks -- A real point guard.

Andrew Bogut and Yi Jianlian -- A real point guard.

Larry Krystkowiak -- A real point guard.

WSSP Radio -- A muzzle for Cliffie. He laughs too hard, and it sounds phony. Probably is phony. And he always calls the guys he's interviewing on the phone "Ma Man." Lots of soul.

WSSP Radio -- A pat on the back for Gary Ellerson. He's learning. He's smart. He has a genuine sense of humor. And, you can tell he thinks his partner is a jerk.

Milwaukee's ESPN Radio host Homer -- I love Homer. Absolutely love him. But stuck down there in that weak-signaled studio, he occasionally mails it in. Not a lot. But sometimes. So let's get him an endless supply of Red Bull.

The Journal Sentinel Sports Section -- A good columnist, an editor with an idea of how to put out a great sports section, early retirement at full pension for Tom Enlund, Bob McGinn, Don Walker, Bob Wolfley and Gary D'Amato. Great guys, all.

Major Goolsby's -- Milwaukee's first sports bar gets a gift of so many customers they might actually have to stay open seven nights a week.

Tony Romo -- When you are heavy on cash ($67 million), the girls hang around. For Romo, a threesome with Ugly Betty and Janet Reno before the next game.

Bo Ryan -- Prisoner ankle bracelets to prevent him from dancing anywhere, ever again.

Mark Attanasio -- A mansion on Lake Drive. Call me crazy, but I think it would be nice if he lived in Milwaukee and the mansion seems more permanent than that Downtown condo.

Michelle Wie -- Skirts, thongs, bras, pink sunglasses, a necklace and bracelet, socks with those little balls on the back, anything that will convince her she's a GIRL and should play golf against other girls.

John Steinmiller -- The Bucks VP and one of the best in the world of sports. No job has ever been too big or too small for him. He's a living example of the honorable concept of loyalty. He has never sought credit for anything he has done. It's time for him to get a little credit. (A confession: he's one of my oldest and dearest friends, but that doesn't change the way I feel.)

Bud Selig -- We ought to let him go. He's done all he can. This steroid thing is a no-win situation and Selig shouldn't sully a good record as commissioner, struggling to get his arms around this behemoth. Let him retire in grace and bring in some new kid on the block (no, not that) to clean up this mess. It's going to take forever and may never succeed.

The Annual Sports Auction for MACC on Channel 4 -- Extra publicity when O. J. storms the Channel 4 studios claiming his memorabilia is being sold without his permission. In the melee that follows, John Mercure accuses O. J. of being a deadbeat dad and Courtney Gerrish says O. J. is guilty of dirty dining. Both reporters are shot dead by O.J.'s posse.

The Admirals, Wave, Milwaukee Curling Club, Bonecrushers, Time Warner Sports on Channel 32, Sparky -- Realistic expectations.

Huckabee, Romney, Giulianai, McCain, Thompson, Clinton, Clinton, Obama, Oprah, Edwards, Kuchinich -- Muzzles.

Tom Crean -- Quaaludes.

The "kids" at OnMilwaukee.com -- The wisdom to understand how important you are to the community and the humility to know that importance comes from serving.