There's this great idea lurking out there that you'd think I would like.

I'm the kind of guy who really wants to get my money's worth when I spend it. I don't like getting an ice cream sundae with just a little bit of hot fudge. I hate it when I hear a new song I like and it ends after about two minutes.

And I really hate the fact that baseball games are so damn short.

The hot idea now is to have baseball use instant replay a lot more so that the games could be just a little longer.

This is especially timely right now, because the Brewers got screwed last week on a call along the left-field foul line. The umpire called it fair and replays showed it might really have been foul.

Andrew Wagner, the fine writer who covered the game for OnMilwaukee.com, wrote about the need for replay in baseball. As he said, "... until baseball changes its stance, such plays are going to happen more often than not."

Well, I just don't think that's true. Happen more often than not? I can't remember the last time it happened to the Brewers. I mean, maybe a couple of times a year there's a minor hubbub about a blown call, but they play 162 games, for God's sake. That's hardly a ripple, much less more often than not.

But, you can understand why people want instant replay. It's sure to help them get their money's worth. I mean, with those $2,000 tickets in New York, who wouldn't want the games to last a little longer?

I'm not a big fan of instant replay, and if we just had some other ways to make the games longer, we wouldn't have to bother with it.

We could start by having the national anthem being replaced by "America the Beautiful" with all the verses, all eight of them. I especially like the one about "... pilgrim foot and knee." Plus, did you know that the song describes the " plain" as both "fruited" and "enabled?"

Once we get into the game, we could do a few other things to make it longer.

I'd make it mandatory that every batter needs to step out of the box between every pitch, take off his gloves, put them back on and re-strap them before stepping back into the box.

Second, I'd get rid of bullpens. That would increase the camaraderie by having all players in the dugout. Relief pitchers could just warm up on the real mound when their number is called. I'd limit warm-up pitches to just 50. Radical, I know, but there you go.

I'd also have what I call the "Public Address Pausing" rule. Every time the public address announcer says something, all players must stop all activity. No swinging a bat to warm up. No smoothing the dirt in front of you. The players have to stand still until the important message is over.

A subsection of this rule would require the public address announcer to use the same format each time he mentions the name of a player. He has to say the full name, followed by a pause, followed by the last name of the player. It's the way Bob Uecker announces a lineup. Good enough for Uke, good enough for me. It goes like this: "Error by Prince Fielder. (pause) Fielder."

Another thing that could help is when the manager comes out of the dugout to argue something with the umpire. The thing is, I don't think arguing should be limited to those two. There are four umpires at each game. I think each team should designate three official "bitchers" before the game. When the manager comes out to argue with the home-plate umpire, the three bitchers must all go to one of the three other umps and carry on with their own argument.

And finally, the piece de resistance. The rule to end all rules.

Any time a baseball player spits or scratches his crotch, play will stop, the crowd will rise to their feet, point at the offending player, and chant, "Dirty! Dirty! Dirty!"

Then, the game can go on.

If we'd just adopt my rules, I don't think anybody would really want instant replay to be used. The problem it would solve doesn't happen all that frequently, and the use of it would just make the games intolerably long.