Blog entries for ItsMrLucky

Half A Victory

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 16 May 2008 03:14:03 GMT

Thursday May 15th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
I’m trying to keep all my plates spinning. So far, so good. I’ve got a lot of things going on and when I work on one or two of them some of the others get neglected. Then I go do some of those things and the first things start to rot. The adage is true - ‘Use it or lose it.’

Personally I want to use it. I want to use it ALL. Whatever I’ve got rolling around inside of me I want to get it out and involved in something good. Or fun. Or profitable. Or all of those things. I have a burning desire to not be a lazy bum who dies with unfulfilled hopes.

There were a few more steps in the right direction today to hopefully make that happen. For the third day in a row I consciously paid attention to my health. I ate a big salad and it didn’t even disgust me. I drank a lot of water and I didn’t even miss Pepsi. Well, a little.

Still, for me this is all good. I didn’t have any fast food or even any unhealthy slow food so that’s a huge plus. I’m sure my lower colon has enough stored down there to open up a location of whatever chain I want so I’m not out of the water yet. This will be a long haul.

It’s only three days and I’ve been here before. The key is just not going nuts and getting in a habit of making smart decisions. It’s not easy for anyone and I will struggle with it as long as I’m alive but if I keep making good decisions like I have I’ll be alive a lot longer.

One good decision I apparently made was to write the letter to the owner of the club out in Topeka. I received an email from the booker today telling me to expect a check for half of the amount of what I was to be paid for the weekend. He was confirming my address.

I must say I was a little surprised that it was handled this quickly and without incident. I wrote it off in my mind and didn’t want to deal with it anymore but I was pleased with the letters I wrote both to the booker and the club owner. I stated my case with facts and did it without getting personal or nasty or angry. There have been too many times when I didn’t.

This whole situation rots but if I get half my pay at least it’s an effort to settle this thing. I probably won’t be back to Topeka at least not at that place and it’s questionable as to if I will get booked by the booker again so at least this is a way to walk away on good terms.

Now the politics starts round two. IF I get the check I will only be paid half of what was agreed to. The booker gets his commission out of that money and I probably won’t be one of his go to guys in the near future. What do I do? Do I pay him anything? Do I pay half?

I am going to pay him his full commission. That’s the classy thing to do. Whether or not we ever work together again is not the issue. Most comics would keep the money or try to get away with half but this has been so ugly and a hassle that I want to let the wound heal.

I always try to live by the Golden Rule and if I was the booker I’d want to get paid so that is what I will choose to do - but only if and when the check comes. I would send it now if I had proof of that but I don’t. I’ll wait and see. But at least it’s a partial victory. Half.

Fun Inc.

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 15 May 2008 02:27:41 GMT

Wednesday May 14th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
It’s not what you know it’s who you know. Right? That’s what I’ve always heard. It’s a fact that knowing the right people in the right situation can really grease the wheel and for once I knew someone that helped me. That doesn’t happen often so I don‘t take it lightly.

Chuck Field is a ventriloquist who took my comedy class many years ago. He’s a solid person and always tries to hook people up who can help each other. He’s the one to thank for introducing me to Marc Schultz who’s not only a booker of corporate stuff but is now one of my favorite people. He’s a friend. Chuck hooked us up years ago and I’m grateful.

Besides doing ventriloquism shows Chuck and his brother have a box business that they inherited from their father. He knows all kinds of people from all walks of life and he said whenever I was ready that he’d introduce me to a guy who owns the company ‘Fun Inc.’

The name alone perked up my interest and it turns out he manufactures and distributes a line of gag items like fake vomit and whoopee cushions and magic tricks and all different kinds of stuff that I could maybe sell on the Uranus site. He’s located in Chicago and is a world wide wholesaler of stuff like that to magic shops and wherever else may sell vomit.

I hadn’t seen Chuck in a while and he’d been telling me about this guy for a while but it just didn’t seem like the right time yet. I didn’t want to waste a favor so I put it off until it seemed like the right time. That time was today and I met Graham Putnam live in person.

For a guy who sells rubber poop and itching powder he was pretty straightforward and a wee bit serious. He was very informative though and I learned a lot. I explained what I am looking to accomplish and he listened and then gave me a brief education on his business.

Just like almost every other business the gag business is changing too. There are certain things that are perpetual sellers and those are like hit records apparently. There aren’t that many but the ones that are bring in tons of cash. That’s what everyone is looking to score.

We spent about a half hour in his office and I was very respectful of his time. I was also grateful to Chuck for introducing me and he was right there the whole time too. Could the meeting have happened without Chuck? Maybe, but it’s always better to be introduced by someone who knows the person and this couldn’t have worked out better. We hit it off.

Graham gave me a catalog of a company out east who sells stuff and explained how that in the last 20 years or so the gag business has become an import business. All of it is now made overseas and shipped over here so getting a special manufactured product here isn’t going to be easy. Most of the places here buy their stuff from the same sources over there.

Taking a half hour to meet with me was very nice of Graham and I will buy from him if at all possible when I get my site up. Whoopee cushions will definitely be a constant part of the Uranus gag and I want to either sell them or use them as a giveaway with sales.

This was a very productive meeting and I’m glad I waited until now to do it. Chuck is a connection I made years ago that paid off today. He’s totally willing to help and I try to be that way too. It felt like the karma train made a stop at my station today and I needed it.

When I got home I checked my email and found a response from Jerry Agar’s friend up in Canada who is the master entrepreneur. He told me to type out my questions for him to look at and he’d get back to me. He didn’t quote me a price but I’m sure there’s a reason.

Many times people come to me for advice on starting out in comedy. I always sincerely try to help but over the years I’ve found that some people are just time wasters and I can’t afford to give of my time like that. That’s when I started charging people to weed out the kook bags. If someone is sincerely interested and I see a spark I am very lenient on price.

I have a feeling that’s how I will be treated here too. If I blow him off or ask all kinds of rambling stupid questions I’m sure he’ll charge me through the nose. If I take time to give it some thought and ask well thought out questions I bet he’ll take time and answer them.

That’s something I have to take care of in the next day or so to keep this momentum up. I’m doing things I need to do to get started and that’s what I set out to do. I also got a call from my friend Todd Kasulke up in Milwaukee saying he has a guy who wants to sell his t-shirt silk screening business he’s had for 40 years. He’s looking to retire and move on.

I may or may not want to buy the business but if I could learn how to work it I’d surely take some time off the road and do that. He apparently does little league uniforms and all kinds of stuff like that and learning that business would be a skill I can use for Uranus.

I’m planning this as my retirement income and I am really jazzed about all these things coming together at once. Just like when I had a deadline for my CD project I can feel this all starting to move forward and I can picture in my mind a successful website that has all kinds of products on it and people will love to browse to see ‘What’s new from Uranus.’

I will call the guy in Milwaukee tomorrow and try to set up a tour of the place. I need to also call my friend Shelley and get her and me on the same page with the both my website and the Uranus Factory Outlet one too. I haven’t talked to her in a while but now it’s time to reconnect and restart the fire. Getting this going could be the biggest thing I ever did.

What also felt good was that I again took a nice long walk today and exercised. I totally need to make a habit of it every day and even though it’s only two days it’s two days in a row and I need to make it three. I drank some water too so little by little I’m improving.

I also listened to a Tony Robbins tape series I bought recently. I like listening to all the positive people I can and I enjoy Tony Robbins. It’s a rhythm of speech that’s listenable and a person either has it or they don’t. I also love Wayne Dyer and Brian Tracy and Les Brown and Earl Nightingale too. I’m just going to keep packing my coconut with as much quality input as I can and I have to believe it will take root and produce quality results.

30 Days Away

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 14 May 2008 03:26:58 GMT

Tuesday May 13th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
Another spectacular sunny day. Something about sunshine really puts me in a groove of life that makes me feel good. Maybe I should move somewhere else where it’s sunnier for a longer period of time. I really did love living in L.A. when I did but I ran out of money.

If I can make enough money to live wherever I want I will seriously consider moving to someplace warm again in a hurry. For now it doesn’t really matter though. I’m happy with living around Chicago. I love it here and it’s comfortable. Winters aren‘t a deal breaker.

I had a major mental enema today and I needed it. The weather was great so I took a big pile of laundry over to the Laundromat near my bank. I got to flirt with the bank manager who is really sharp and funny and then I went right next door and climbed Mt. Laundrus.

Doing laundry isn’t my favorite task but I don’t hate it. It’s very cathartic and gives me a feeling of accomplishment which is always positive. Getting my clothes clean put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. Today is the 13th and I’ve adopted that as ‘my’ day as Mr. Lucky. I’m not superstitious at all and I don’t mind being associated with the number.

I used to send my monthly newsletters out on the 13th and I need to get that going again. I was going to do it last month but I got behind and then fell into the doldrums after all of my trouble in Topeka. I’ve been blowing it off and I need to stop blowing and start doing.

Next month’s 13th is a Friday and I always want to make those an event if I can. The last time I did that I got kicked off the Bob and Tom show but at least I tried to get the biggest bang for my buck. That situation is still a sore spot and I am dumbfounded as to how they all got so angry over such a non event. Was it because it was Friday the 13th? I doubt it.

That’s in the past and I won’t be able to change it anytime soon. I’m on WLS which is a much bigger station than any of the ones they’re on so I guess I rebounded quite nicely. In the big scheme of things none of this means anything anyway but it feels good to be on in Chicago. There are enough people here to make me a nice living and that‘s all I‘m after.

I really have to get my Uranus Factory Outlet business up and running. I have no excuse as to why it’s not up yet and I’m disappointed with myself for not doing it. I’ve been in an all over the place mode for a few months and it’s not acceptable to me at all. I don’t like it and I won’t tolerate it. I’m going to force myself to get the project up by Friday June 13th.

When I was doing my comedy CD back in 2003 I was farting around exactly like this. I knew I needed one but would make stupid excuses as to why it wasn’t out. Bert Haas said he would cancel my bookings at Zanies if I didn’t have it finished in 30 days and I did it.

As soon as I had a deadline I cranked it right out and it turned out very well. I’ve sold a lot of them and have received a lot of nice compliments and gotten work from it too. This is a very similar situation. I’ve got my deadline so now I need to breathe life into Uranus.

Bucks Stop Here

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:13:07 GMT

Monday May 12th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
There was a tiny blurb in the Chicago Sun-Times this morning that brought back a giant memory. On this date in 1974 the Boston Celtics defeated my beloved Milwaukee Bucks in the seventh game of the NBA finals to win the championship. I had forgotten the exact date but that horrific memory still haunts me all these years later. It left a scar on my soul.

Sports has always been a passion with me and as a kid I was the only one in my family other than my grandfather who liked it even the least bit. My father used to ridicule me in his inimitable caustic snide way about how I was wasting my time and money watching a bunch of…well I can’t really repeat what he said but it wasn’t very uplifting. He hated it.

My grandmother hated it too. She would stop her whole world to watch Lawrence Welk or Hee Haw but if I wanted to watch a ball game she’d make sure I couldn’t enjoy even a bit of it. She thought it was funny to cheer against any team I was for and that was brutal.

Game 6 of that championship series in ‘74 is still one of the best basketball games I’ve ever seen. Kareem Abdul Jabbar hit one of his patented sky hook shots from way deep in the corner that now would have been a three point shot. It won the game for the Bucks on the road and sent the series back to a game seven in Milwaukee. They HAD to win it all.

I remember yelling and jumping all over the place when he hit that shot and getting my ear chewed off by my grandma telling me to be quiet and go to bed. I was 11 and it was a school night but all I cared about was watching that game. The Bucks were down but not out and when they won it in the end it gave me hope that there was a just God after all.

Then came the big game seven. I was sure they were going to win it all but those nasty Beantowners blew the Bucks out of their own arena and won it 102-87. John Havlicek is the devil and if I ever see him even if he’s old and sickly I’ll kick him in his shins. Hard. He is the one who killed the Bucks and took away my youthful hope and made me bitter.

My grandmother was right there in my face laughing and I had to restrain from hauling off and cold cocking her right there. She didn’t get how emotional sports can get and if I could have beaten Lawrence Welk to death with a clarinet that night I surely would have.

Once in a while I’ll see ‘highlights’ from that series on TV and it makes me cringe. I’m sure it’s like Dallas Cowboys fans feel every time they see video of the Ice Bowl in 1967. I don’t feel sorry for the Cowboys fans, I’m just saying I bet the feeling is the exact same.

Other than that little unpleasant relapse into the past I had a great day today. The shows at both WLS and Zanies were both very strong. It’s fun to be a part of a good show and I was part of two today. Jerry’s Kidders is starting to take shape and that feels extremely good.

We’ve got a live show coming up at Zanies in June. That combines the best of both my worlds and I’m really looking forward to it. I’m sure it will be a lot better than Topeka.

As The Apple Turns

ItsMrLucky — Mon, 12 May 2008 00:15:09 GMT

Sunday May 11th, 2008 - Kenosha, WI/Lake Villa, IL
Another Mother’s Day. I’m sick of writing about how miserable these kinds of holidays can be but today I don’t have to. I’m not miserable at all. I’m not thrilled about it but I’m definitely not miserable. If I was in the mood I was in last week after all that ugly mess in Topeka this could have been what launched me on my six state killing spree but it’s not.

I’m still trying to figure out how my whacked out brain works. It feels like my life is an apple with a worm in it that constantly revolves. When the good side is showing there is a feeling of being bulletproof but when the worm side shows I go into my hellish darkness.

The worm side has been showing up less and less but it’s still there and whenever it’s in view the world is a horrible place. When it’s not I can tolerate just about anything and it’s a total feeling of invincibility. Today the worm was nowhere to be found and I’m thrilled.

We had a strong radio show in Kenosha today and our guest was really good. She talked about ghost hunting and what ghosts are and we could have fun with her because she was smart and could laugh at herself. She is an only child and we talked about how her mother let her off for a couple of hours to do our radio show. The whole thing worked perfectly.

On the way home I thought about my mother a little. I truly have no idea if she’s living or dead and sadly I really don’t care. Like with my father the damage is done and nothing she could say or do would make up for it now. At least when the old man died I was able to put some kind of bow on it and wash my hands of it. With my mother it’s all mystery.

I’ve only seen her a few times in my life, the last one when I was about 18. Then there’s the story of when I was 30 and in intensive care after my car accident and she tried calling me in the hospital. I hung up on her a few times but she kept calling back and saying that she wanted to see me. Then we made an appointment to do that but she never showed up.

That’s been 15 years now and it still hurts so badly I can’t put it into words. But I didn’t feel that pain today any more than any other day. I thought about it a little but it didn’t put that nasty sting in my being like some things do. I guess it’s just the luck of what day it is.

If the wormy side of my apple was out today I might be ready to suck that gun barrel but I am actually in pretty good spirits. Having a good radio show and seeing that project start to take shape is very encouraging. That was my main focus for today and not my mother.

What a waste this has all been. Why did she just abandon all of us and then not make it up to us ever? She’s had many years but hasn’t done it and if she is dead I’m sure she has a few things to answer for right along with my father. They sure didn’t give us kids any.

Wherever she is is going to be a mystery for a while. I don’t even know her last name at this time because I think she’s been remarried a couple of times. I can’t see myself paying anyone else to look for her because if I found her there’d be very few good things to say.

Money Matters

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 11 May 2008 14:46:15 GMT

Saturday May 10th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
Lucky for me I have cheap tastes because I’m broke. I haven’t been this low on cash in a long time and I’m starting to sweat it a little. No, more than a little. A lot of things have gone down in the past year or so and the result is I am running my financial tank on ‘E’.

Some of it was my fault but not all. I spent a nice wad on sports cards just because I like them and thought I could afford to take that risk. I can resell them at some point but not at once like I bought them. I bought them in large lots and hope to resell them gradually at a profit. I didn’t buy them to turn a quick buck and looking back on it I wish I hadn‘t now.

I had no idea I was going to get cleaned out by my business partner. That was a shocker and it took out my entire emergency fund. I never planned on touching a dime of it unless I was in dire straits but that didn’t look like it would happen at all. Now I’m not so sure.

I also was good to a few people and sold them cars on credit and haven’t been paid back and that’s hurting too. Paul Kelly has been a total ass about it and I have lost total respect for him. It’s my own fault for doing it but he came to me and said he needed a car so I did what I thought was a favor but in return he totally took advantage of my generous nature.

It also caused me to drop out of Chicago Style Standups. I know that saying ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’ and it’s a lot truer than I imagined. I made a mistake and now I deeply regret it. Coupled with all the other stuff I find myself backed into a corner and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time. But it did and now I have to shovel my way out.

I know I’m not the only one having money squeezing woes right now. A ton of people are in huge debt and have a huge monthly nut but I purposely try to live cheap so I don‘t have that constant pressure. I‘m starting to feel a little and I need to recushion myself.

I’m going to choose to look at this as a positive and deal with it without letting it get me down. I got myself into this pickle and I will get myself out. Money is like the tide and for now the tide is out. It will again come in and when it does I need to handle it a lot better.

It’s getting so tight I even thought about trying for another radio gig. The thought didn’t last very long but I did think about it. It sure would bail me out of this. I would try to bank as much cash as I could each week and continue living like a bed bug. I can do that well.

If I suck it up and watch my pennies I’ll be ok. I hope. Without my normal backup those squeaks in my car sound louder and those aches and pains in my body are achier. And gas prices aren’t doing anyone any good right now. All the black clouds are lining up at once.

But that’s how it is. Work has dried up at the moment and money is tight but I think it’s a cycle and I will treat it as such. It all decided to sneak up at me at once and I’m going to have to make a conscious plan to change it back to where I was before. I’m one bad break away from total disaster and with my track record of luck that might not be that far away.

Despite all that I still had a very fun day. I hadn’t been to the car auction in a while and I heard the rusty tin calling my name. I love the whole experience of hunting for cars so I headed over and took a lap. I felt right at home as I got my bidder’s card and settled in for the action. I wasn’t going to buy anything today but that didn’t mean I didn’t still enjoy it.

One of the guys who works there is a regular listener to WLS and heard Jerry and I talk about where I get my cars and now I’m a huge celebrity to the auction staff. He called the owner when we were talking about it and when I walked in his face lit up and he pointed me out to the rest of the staff. ‘THAT’S the guy. That’s him right there. He’s FAMOUS!’

I smiled and turned around to see if anyone really famous was behind me but it was me they were gawking at so I waved and shook some hands and then customers turned heads too. I felt good in a way and like a total ass in another. I was not looking to be on stage.

Before the auction I stopped at the Red School House restaurant for breakfast because I wanted to see if that waitress I like was working. She was but yet again I didn’t get sat in her section so I had my breakfast and left. It’s a small place but always busy so I guess I have to keep trying. I will though because I want to at least get my chance to ask her out.

After coming home from the auction I spent some time reading about mail order before spending some more time working on my act. I have a lot of material I’m trying to polish and I really enjoy losing myself in the process of doing that. It’s very productive and fun.

I needed to be at Jerry Agar’s house by 5:30 to ride over and see two of his three kids in a production of ‘Jungle Book’. I really love watching his kids grow up and do all of these fun things I never got a chance to do. All three of the kids are talented and I love them all.

His daughter Kaelin turned 9 and had a birthday party so there was a house full of little girls after the show. We had pizza and punch and birthday cake and I was able to make all the kids laugh which is always the best. One of them leaned over to Kaelin and whispered ‘Who IS this guy? He’s FUNNY!’ Those kinds of moments can’t be bought for any price.

Neither can hanging out with his sons Tanner and Cooper. The four of us just hung out and talked about guy stuff for a while and that was fun too. Tanner is 15 and Cooper is 12 and I can make them laugh too. I was both those ages and I can put myself in their shoes.

At the end of the day none of this cost me anything other than showing up but I sure had a lot of fun. I didn’t need to pay any cover charges or taxes or tips and that’s ok with me. I have never had extravagant tastes and even if I do hit my jackpot someday I’ll still enjoy a car auction or a rummage sale or a flea market just because they’re fun. I like the process.

Making money is a process too though and there’s nothing wrong with learning how the process works. I’m starting pretty late in life but I need to change my whole view of how I handle my finances so I can never be in this position again. Even though I had a fun day it doesn’t change the fact that I am still running very lean and could use some backup cash.

Yay Ebay!

ItsMrLucky — Sat, 10 May 2008 03:36:27 GMT

Friday May 9th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
I love Ebay. What a great idea that was. A world wide rummage sale that gets people to bid against each other on a third party of people’s junk. Brilliant! I wish I’d thought of it. I’ve yet to learn how to sell anything but I sure have mastered the buying part. I’m hooked for life. I enjoy it even if it’s just browsing to see what other people are trying to unload.

There are baubles and trinkets and outright garbage and that occasional treasure that has kept me coming back. I’ve fished a lot of cool things off the cyber dung heap including an entire collection of Mad magazines and several out of print comedy albums I have looked for for years. Today my latest treasure arrived in the mail and it juiced me up once again.

I won a framed autographed red necktie of my comedy hero Rodney Dangerfield. A few years ago I was hosting a charity show and saw one at their silent auction. That one went for $275. This one cost me $50 with shipping. It also came with an unused ticket from his show at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas and a certificate of authenticity. I totally love it.

Maybe I’ll keep it and maybe I’ll give it to my friend Mark Shilobrit who’s having a big birthday this year. I’ve known Mark for 25 years and he was in the group of comedians in Milwaukee that started just before I did. He’d been doing it a few years when I started but we worked together hundreds of times over the years. He loves Rodney as much as I do.

Mark and his wife Tracy just built a beautiful house out in Waukesha, WI and it would look great on one of his walls. I move around like a gypsy and never know where I might hole up in any given year so the logical choice would be to let Mark have it and enjoy it.

I really do enjoy giving more than receiving. I loved the feeling of winning the auction for what I thought was a great price but the real joy would be to see Mark’s look when he opens it. That’s what I love more. If it were up to me I’d give presents away every day.

I try to do that when I can as much as I can. It doesn’t have to be a big money gift, only a gift from the heart that means something to that specific person. I always pack boxes of sports cards for my friends who have kids who would enjoy them. They aren’t worth any money but when the kids open them and see that huge box of cards they always light up.

Recently I found a huge box of toy cars I’d been saving for whatever reason and I gave them to a woman I know who has a five year old boy. She’s a single mom and can’t really afford a lot of extras right now and that box put the kid on cloud 999. She said he loved it so much she thought she might have to change his underwear. That’s what I love to hear!

I have far too many faults as a human to list and I am trying very diligently to live a life of honor and peace. I fail way too often and am far from where I want to be or thought I’d be but the spirit of giving is one thing I learned to love early. That’s one of the reasons for me being a comedian. When I can light up a room full of strangers and let them forget the troubles of their day it makes me feel like I do have an actual reason for living after all.

Red Flags Rising

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:31:01 GMT

Thursday May 8th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
I’m more than a wee bit concerned about the ripple effects of gas prices shooting past the moon and up Uranus. It’s got to trickle down at some point and I can’t see any of the trickling coming my way. If people have to choose between food or comedy I will lose.

Back last summer when they were giving gasoline away at just under $3 a gallon I read an article that said if it hit $4 that 60% of small businesses would be out of business if the price stayed that high for a year. Now it’s that high and I don’t think it’s going to go away any time soon. This whole mess is hurting everyone but comedians are hit even harder.

Other than cab drivers we probably drive more than just about anyone. I say in my show sometimes that most ’normal’ people drive about 30-45 minutes to work an 8 hour shift. I have to drive 8 hours to work a 30-45 minute shift. Either way we all still put in our time.

I am getting an alarming message from that little voice in my head to seriously think of how I can position myself to not have this be the end of my existence in the entertainment business as I know it but I don’t see any solutions in the immediate future. I’m screwed.

We all are. What can we do about it except pay their price? I won’t start rambling about my conspiracy theories on all this but with every other technology exploding in the recent past you can’t tell me they can’t run a car on pickle juice and duck poop that gets mileage beyond our wildest dreams and it would be cheap and easy. But they haven’t. And won’t.

That’s yet another reason I am so disgusted with this whole planet but nothing I can rant about in my little circle is going to have any effect on any of this whatsoever. The sad fact is we’re all going to have to make an adjustment and prices aren’t going back down. Ever.

That being said the smart ones of us will find ways to go around it and survive. The rest will be left behind and I don’t want to be in that second category. This is going to get a lot worse and lead to a lot of ugliness like thefts and bankruptcies and I don’t like the idea of any of it. I saw on the news last night how pawnshops are busier than they’ve ever been.

This is the kind of stuff my grandparents used to predict when I was a kid. They weren’t kidding but I used to laugh hysterically when they’d tell stories of how tough it was back during the depression and how the next one would be a lot worse. I’m not laughing now.

Nobody can change their life overnight and like a battleship making a u-turn it takes the gradual constant shift to be able to negotiate such a maneuver. I get the message that I am not long for the world of being a road comic and nothing else. I’ll always do as much as I can but I can’t rely on it as my number one source of income like I have all my adult life.

I got the message drilled into me even more as I had lunch with Vince Carone today. He took my class years ago and is now coming up the comedy ladder and doing great. He’s a smart and funny kid and he just had a big audition for MTV this week. I’m proud of him.

He asked me for some advice as to how he should handle himself during the interview and I gave him suggestions that he said really helped him. He wanted to thank me with a lunch and that was very classy of him to do that. He didn’t have to but I appreciated it.

When I started out I remember having lunch with my mentor C. Cardell Willis. Cardell was about my age now and I was about the age Vince is now. Cardell used to tell me how I would take comedy way farther than he ever did. And I did. I predict Vince will take it a lot farther than me. He’s placed in a prime perch to have a brilliantly successful career.

I really am proud of the way Vince is putting his career together and he’s one of my all time favorite students. He’s my comedy son just like I was Cardell’s comedy son. I asked him for advice when I needed it and he always gave it to me unvarnished and told me that it was just his opinion and that I should make up my own mind and then make a decision.

I tell Vince and all my students the same thing. Vince has been one to not only ask for a lot of advice but he’s listened to it too. He’s got a great head for not only the comedy part of the game but the business side too. He’s only 25 but he’s going to hit his pay dirt soon. I can just feel it. If it isn’t the MTV gig it will be something better. He’ll hit the big time.

We talked about how different not only comedy is but the whole world. When I was his age the big thing was the comedy club boom of the ‘80s. Cardell used to tell me if he had all those clubs he’d have had a lot better career. Now I feel that way about the internet. If I had the internet twenty years ago I could have used it to promote myself. But I didn’t.

That’s where everything is going now though. I drove past a Blockbuster today that just closed and that sent chills up my spine. Those just got hot in my lifetime but now they are starting to get phased out just like Fotomats did when I was starting out back in the ‘80s.

I had to go get my mail in the city so I called Jerry Agar to see if he wanted a ride home. The train is ok but it’s nice to have a friend to talk to so he jumped at the chance. Both of us talked about how everything is changing and radio is always at the cutting edge of that trend. Sometimes radio bosses make changes just to make them. We’ve both been there.

Jerry was telling me about a friend of his in Canada that he’s known for 30 years that is a master entrepreneur. He made $100,000 in Brandon, Manitoba in 1983. The population of Brandon is about 50,000. I live in Chicago and can barely keep myself above water.

I asked Jerry if he still talked to the guy and he said he hadn’t in a while but still had his number. I asked him to call the guy and ask if he’d be willing to let me hire him for a half hour and pick his brain about Uranus Factory Outlet. Jerry called the guy immediately.

Whatever the guy charges will be a giant bargain. Jerry said the guy knows how to be an entrepreneur and ‘sees opportunity in EVERY situation’. That statement alone sold me so I will put together a list of questions to ask him and email them to the guy and then record his answers and go to work. The red flags are up. I need to find the opportunity in all this.

A Few More Steps

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 08 May 2008 08:28:18 GMT

Wednesday May 7th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL

Another day of positive accomplishment. I made some more small steps but they’re in a good direction. I mapped out my list of bookers to contact in the next little while and I am very excited about that. It’s like doing a huge load of laundry that’s been stinking in a pile for a long time. The stink is gone plus there’s also usable space where the pile used to be.

I really have been lax in my booking maintenance lately. It’s like a sales route. If I don’t reach out to my base of customers on a consistent basis they will forget about me even if I have a product they can use. There are a lot of comedians out there and it’s a matter of me making myself available to get one of the limited spots. Talent has nothing to do with it.

It’s a part of the business that most performers thoroughly despise and although I’m not all gung ho about it I don’t hate it either. It’s like fishing. A little nibble keeps you hooked and coming back for more. I’m not a fisherman but I do enjoy hauling in my limit of gigs.

Part of my problem has been that I’m competent enough to have bookers contact me for work. I do strong shows and don’t have a drug or drinking problem and I am able to show up for my gigs on time. Well, usually. There are enough of those people that I don’t really have a pressing need to seek out new work and that’s where I’m making a stupid mistake.

Those people already know me and I have their trust. I appreciate the work but it isn’t a smart business move to only stay in the same circles over and over again. I have expanded my range of bookers all over the country but there are still quite a few I don‘t work with.

It will take a few months to make the rounds again and get in a groove but I really need to make that a priority. The plan was to get Uranus Factory Outlet up and running so I can hit the road and go on radio and TV and get publicity for it. I can still do that but it will be a lot more complicated than even I imagined. I can do it though if I will just stay focused.

There are too many things that distract me. With doing two radio projects and hosting at Zanies on Mondays and trying to reshape my comedy classes it’s all overwhelming. I also want to put out a new CD or two because I’ve got the material already recorded. I have an ever growing number of spinning plates and it’s getting to be a lot more than I can handle.

I still have to get the movie script done but I did take some time today to at least get that on the launching pad again. I went over the remaining scenes that need to be finished so it isn’t so overwhelming. We already have 80 pages done of the third draft so it’s not like it hasn’t been worked on it just hasn’t been worked on in a while. I blew the dust off today.

I’m still trying to touch on everything and keep momentum but I admit that I’m totally a mouse in a maze at this point. I think there is some cheese but I can’t actually see it. I can smell it. I think. I just have to keep cranking out little chunks of work like I’ve been doing the last couple of days. I’m doing what I love to do and if I will just think ahead and make a smart plan I can make good things happen. But I know myself - I’m WAY too scattered.

Stephen King Style

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 07 May 2008 04:29:43 GMT

Tuesday May 6th, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
I once read an article about Stephen King and he said he had a regular schedule of how he went about his writing. He did it like a regular work day. He’d get up and eat breakfast and then start working on a project. Then he’d stop and have lunch and then start working on another one. Then he’d eat dinner and afterwards work on yet a third writing project.

That’s pretty amazing to me. No wonder the guy has so many books out. I don’t know if I like writing that much to do it every day like that but I came pretty close today. I need to get cranking on a few projects and the only way to finish any of them is to DO something.

I was up and dressed and sitting at the computer by 8:30 this morning and I started work on my act. I have not paid much attention to what I started a while back and it felt good to get back into it today. I’ve got a heaping load of new ideas I want to work into my act that will really freshen it up. If it’s fresh for me I’ll be better able to deliver it to an audience.

I looked at some of the stuff I already had and I was very pleased with it. I also went off on a creative tear for a couple of hours and came up with some very solid bits that I really like. I was in a comedy groove and I could feel it the whole day as I kept working on it.

If there’s one good thing about dipping into one of my dark spells it’s that I always get a creative surge very shortly afterward. I’m very depressed when it’s happening but when it finally does end I always seem to have a floodgate of creativity open up and I love that.

Today was one of those days. I tried to squeeze out as much as I could and didn’t have a problem keeping it up the whole day. I put a ton of work in on my act and I know I’ll start seeing the improvement very soon. I need to keep doing this and a lot more often as well.

I went out to get a late lunch just to walk around a little and recharge my brain. Then for the next couple of hours I worked on the Mothership Connection show. That could be my entry into the Coast to Coast AM world as a guest or a guest fill in host so I want to make the best of that opportunity. I worked out a master list of future program idea concepts.

Without using the internet I came up with 73 subjects I thought would be good for show possibilities. If I google each of those and come up with 5 or 6 potential guests that’ll be a lot of shows. Granted I won’t get all of those people to come on but I now have a big list.

I’m not sure how the show will evolve. Jimmy Novack just got a morning show gig on WXLC in Waukegan and he may have to drop off our show. I’m happy he got the job but I hope he can stay on with us. The three of us make a nice round robin panel of co-hosts.

Whatever happens at least I’ll be ready with ideas. I worked on it for a couple of hours and put a nice dent in what I’ve been meaning to do for weeks. At least I’ve got some sort of outline and can start filling in the particulars and have a clue where I’m going with this thing. Sunday is Mother’s Day so I don’t think that will make it easy to find any guests.

After putting in a full day’s work on both of these projects I went out to grab some food at the Golden Corral. I love that place. Good grub for a low price. I sat and tried to eat as many fresh vegetables as I could as I worked on the crossword puzzle from USA Today.

That’s another thing I need to get back to. I just don’t enjoy exercise anymore and that’s about as stupid as it gets. We all know we need to exercise every day and eat healthy food but it’s too much fun to sit and rot in front of ESPN with a big bag of Doritos and a Pepsi.

I feel sluggish and tired and know I haven’t been giving it my best effort. Rather than be angry about it I decided to at least try to do good for ONE day. I can’t get back to how my body was in my 20s in one day or probably ever but I can’t keep doing what I have been.

It’s not possible to fix all life’s problems in one day but I did put some effort in on a lot of levels today. Getting my act in gear is really good. I have a lot of potential there and for me to have something to look forward to on stage makes the Topeka gigs sting a bit less.

Speaking of that I did hear from the booker today and he was a lot less amped up after I explained my situation recently. He got a little short with me there for a bit but I said my piece intelligently without threatening him and my points were valid. He came back in an entirely different tone and said the owner is on vacation and will be back in about a week.

I sent the club a well thought out email also so he’ll hopefully get it when he gets back and just write me a check and we can be done with this whole thing. I still may get taken out of the booker’s ‘bookable list’ after this is all over but that won’t hurt me in the least.

The whole thing is stupid and it never should have gotten to this point but it did so I am trying to resolve it in a peaceful and professional manner. I may not have done that many years ago so I guess I’ve grown. I hope so. None of this is what I planned on having to be dealing with when I started out in comedy. I want to do shows, not be a collections agent.

I’m still not out of the water yet and it could all blow up in my face but at least I made a professional attempt to work it all out. In my mind it’s over with and what happens when the owner gets back happens. Wasting any more of my energy on it would be a mistake.

Today was productive in some areas but I’m still very behind on some others. I haven’t worked on the movie script yet and that needs to get started NOW. I also haven’t worked on Uranus Factory Outlet either and that’s another sore spot. Those are two more projects that need attention and since I am not booked for a few weeks I need to get those in gear.

And then there’s the bookings themselves. I have also been lax on getting in touch with all of my work sources and that’s a sore spot all in itself. I haven’t done it and I need to. It doesn’t get any simpler than that. There are reasons for it but no really good ones. I didn’t maintain my contacts and now I’m out of the minds of a lot of people. It’s totally my fault and the only way to undo that is to make time and send out some emails and make calls to reconnect with some people who can book me. SOON. There’s always something to do.

Cinco de Radio

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 06 May 2008 05:00:14 GMT

Monday May 5th, 2008 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
Today was a lot better. A whole lot. I’m pecking through my inner layer of sadness like a butterfly inside his cocoon. I didn’t feel that overwhelmingly dark cloud at all today and that’s a huge relief. It was another fantastic weather day and that perked up my spirits too.

Another Monday meant another appearance on Jerry Agar’s show on WLS. We were all a bit off today but that’s not what worried me. That happens to everyone and today wasn’t our best day by a long shot. We had a few funny lines but none of us got on a major roll.

What did get my attention off the air was that the General Manager quit last week and is now working in Detroit. Good for him. Not necessarily good for Jerry or his Kidders. It’s the scenario that we all dread in the radio business. The G.M. that authorized the hiring is no longer in place and now it’s fruit basket upset. Nobody can guess what’ll happen now.

The program director is the one who does the hiring usually but the G.M. has to sign off on it and give the thumbs up. Kipper McGee is the program director at WLS and one of a few truly talented and nice people I’ve ever met in the radio wars. He’s a class guy and as smart as it gets but this changes his position too because the new honcho calls the shots.

I don’t even know who that new person is. For all I know he could be the greatest thing that ever happened for radio and WLS and Jerry and us too. Or he could blow us all out a month after he settles in and put Portuguese kazoo music on and everyone’s out of a gig.

Chances are he’ll leave things as they are and work on sales. Getting the money flowing in is THE main job of a G.M. and I hope he’s successful at it. I also hope he leaves all of us alone on the air and let’s us keep growing. Jerry is starting to catch on and Kipper is an expert at tweaking and adjusting and like a sports team I think they’re poised to win BIG.

I am just doing this to help Jerry. He’s my friend and I know how hard he’s worked for this and he’s doing great and I just want to see him keep it all going. Yes it helps me to be on the show too but that’s not my main focus. I can survive because I’m a cockroach. I’m able to squeak by and make do but Jerry has a family and a mortgage. He needs this gig.

This all brings back the ugly side of radio I’ve seen so many times before. I am not even getting paid to do this weekly shot but that’s not the issue. It’s great exposure and we will hopefully get paid to do live shows eventually and this could be a huge win/win for us all.

If someone gets an itch in their shorts to ‘make changes’ that could spell trouble for our whole plan. I hate to be paranoid but I’ve seen it happen over and over. Stuff like a switch of G.M.s starts it all and a couple of weeks later we’re sent packing with a station t-shirt.

The situation is what it is. If we’re going to be blasted it was still fun and I don’t regret a chance to make Jerry look good. He has helped us too and we’re all grateful or it. We’ll all just keep showing up on Mondays until the security guards won’t let us in anymore.

Sunny Side Up

ItsMrLucky — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:02:17 GMT

Sunday May 4th, 2008 - Kenosha, WI/Lake Villa, IL
A beautiful sunny day today was exactly what I needed to chase some of my pain away. I love the sunshine and it always helps me think better thoughts at least a little. I’m totally sick of being in this rut and I’ll try just about anything to help me climb out of the mud.

I hauled my lazy carcass out of the rack early so I could scrub up and get moving. Being stuck in a basement isn’t what’s going to make me want to conquer the earth so I decided to attack the day and see if I could get some momentum going. The sunny weather helped put me in a much better mood as I got into my car and headed over to get some breakfast.

There’s a place right over the Wisconsin border on Highway 45 called The Red School House and they are only open for breakfast and lunch. There’s a waitress there I like and I thought it would cheer me up to at least have a shot at flirting with her or asking her out.

Of course she wasn’t in my section today or I wasn’t in hers or whatever the case was I didn’t get to talk to her but she was working and she smiled because she’d recognized me from being in there before. I smiled back but the place was packed and we didn’t interact any more than that but at least I made the effort. The breakfast was good and then I left.

I needed a haircut so I went over to the place I’ve been going the last few months and it worked out that I got the hottest one there by luck of the draw. Her name is Eva and she is absolutely stunning. I’ve had her before and she’s funny and smart and smells great and it was worth double what she charged me just to have her rub up against me as she worked.

I didn’t tell her I have been in a foul mood lately and I’m glad I forced myself to get out and at least mingle a little. I tend to be a hermit and shut myself off from people and right now that’s not what I need to be doing. I need to surround myself with positive energy.

We did a Mothership Connection radio show this afternoon on AM 1050 WLIP. We did have a pair of guests tentatively scheduled to talk about UFOs but they cancelled on us on short notice so we had to make a quick backup plan and call an audible. We pulled it off.

Jimmy Novack loves to talk about Bigfoot and we pieced together a Bigfoot show at the last minute. He had some great audio clips from the internet and we connected with a guy out in California who has been tracking them down for 35 years. He came on with us and was really interesting even though he had to leave abruptly because he had a commitment.

It’s great when things like that come together and we had a fun show. I don’t know how we’ll ever make any money with this but at least we’re having fun with it. The other guys are easy to work with and they‘re getting into it every week. We’re not far away with this.

These are the kinds of things that will get me out of my funk. Wallowing in pain or self pity isn’t a way to live a life and I never wanted to do that. I want to be a winner and have a happy ending to my story. It will be a lot happier if I can keep myself in the sunshine.

Mental Toughness

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 04 May 2008 03:36:00 GMT

Saturday May 3rd, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
It’s been one week since my nightmare in Topeka but it seems like a lifetime. It rang the wrong bell in my head and the ringing is still in my ears today. That one little incident did not in itself bring me this far down though. It was a domino that knocked over the others.

I’m still hurting from a lot of things in the past like getting fired from the Loop in 2004. I was on my way to financial freedom and creative freedom too. I would have been sitting really pretty right now had it just kept going like it was going but who can control the fact that the station was going to get sold out from under us? That was just an unlucky break.

A lot of people have unlucky breaks but I’ve had more than my share. Getting fired out in Salt Lake City in 2001 was another one. There was no reason for it other than the idiot in charge was looking to ‘make changes’ for no apparent reason and I was on the hit list.

He admitted later that it was a mistake but what good does that do? I’m gone and I lost my house and it ruined my credit forever and that was a brutal experience. Just as I was in a place to bounce back at the Loop then that blew up in my face and I had to go back to a life on the road when I thought I’d made some inroads. Now it’s 2008 and I’m in a funk.

A lot of people have ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’ thoughts and ‘what if’ and all that but if I had caught even one break I wouldn’t be in the spot I’m in now. I chose radio because it felt like the right thing to do and I still think I could be good at it but it’s not stable at all.

For whatever reason I chose THE most difficult profession there is. Being a comedian is extremely difficult but it’s all that keeps me going. I love the actual shows but every other part of it is getting worse and worse. Radio has a whole other dark side and I don’t have a desire to keep getting my ass handed to me by some clueless halfwit with two first names.

There have been other people in a similar spot I’m in now. Richard Pryor walked off the stage in Las Vegas and drove back to L.A. and totally started over doing an act he wanted to do. He found his voice and an audience to hear it and his story had a positive ending.

Lewis Black is another one. He had resigned himself to managing a theatre and thought he would never get his shot at the big time but he did. Now he’s had a very nice run and it isn’t necessarily over yet. He’s doing quite well and he deserves it. He’s worked for it all.

But I’ve worked for it all too. I have rolled the dice time after time and have everything I own invested in what I’m doing. I suppose I could have ‘settled down’ and gotten a job at some hellish civil service job like my grandfather wanted me to but I don’t think I’d be out of prison yet for the bloody rampage I’d have gone on doing that. That just isn’t me.

I’m a comedian and a damn good one and there are people who really enjoy what I do. I just want to be able to keep doing it and getting better and making people’s lives better. It shouldn’t be this difficult, should it? I’m still taking lumps and my whole being is tired.

But nobody wants to hear that. Hell, I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear about good things happening to good people. Is that possible? I think it is or I would have sucked that bullet years ago. This is a time to dig in and get tough and come out swinging my hardest.

I don’t feel tough right now but nobody knows that. Nobody cares either. If I did put the bullet in my head the only person who would care would be the poor schmuck who had to mop up the mess. I wouldn’t want to do that to anyone. My life will be over soon enough.

The true happy ending in all of this would be to hang in there and turn my life into what I always dreamed it would be. I would have a great career with thousands of people lining up to see me whenever I perform. I’d give them a great show and then shake their hand on the way out and thank them for coming. I would make everybody‘s day a little bit better.

Then I’d have a beautiful wife who is smart and funny and interested in a lot of the very same things I am but she’s still her own person. I’d have a house full of kids that love me and they don’t even have to be my own. I wouldn’t mind adopting and I’d love them like they were my own. Love is love and all kids need it. I know what it’s like to be rejected.

My offstage work would be even better than my onstage work. I’d love to donate money and time and effort into making as many people’s lives better as I could. Young or old or black or white or rich or poor doesn’t make a difference. I want to reach out to my fellow humankind and spread some goodness around. I want to plant trees I’ll never sit under.

I want to see the sparkle in a kid’s eye when there’s a Christmas present with their name on it under the tree when there’s never been one before. I want to see an elderly person at a nursing home’s eyes light up when a group of kids come in and sing some songs for the whole place and then hand out balloons afterward. I want to create that energy every day.

I want to help young comedians learn the ropes of the business so they’ll be able to live their dreams of being a full time comedian just like I’ve been able to live mine. I want the feeling of being a mentor to people who need one and be able to plant seeds of success in people that will last a lifetime and also spread off into other people I haven’t even met.

These are all great things and I still want to accomplish them but I can’t if I’m in a funk and keep getting hammered like I have been. If there is a God out there why can’t he help me find what I’ve been looking for? I don’t feel love from God or anyone else but even if I don’t I’m still going to keep on slugging and give of myself until I have nothing left.

Life is cruel and I’m SO sick of that part. It’s never going to be fair so I’m giving up on that hope for good. I just want some of that unfairness to go my way for once. It wouldn’t take all that much to turn this whole big mess around and salvage a decent life for myself.

But it wouldn’t only be for myself. I’d bring as many good people with me as I could. It would be good for the whole of humankind and I would think we could all use that about now. Mental toughness is something I need right now but this is the toughest time for it.

Don't Read This One

ItsMrLucky — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:40:37 GMT

Friday May 2nd, 2008 - Lake Villa, IL
A rainy day today inside and out. The weather was nasty all day and I was feeling rotten so I didn’t even leave the house. I’m in a surprisingly deep funk that started with the nasty situation in Topeka last week. That started it and it’s been a constant slide down since.

Things like this take their toll on my psyche. I’ve had other situations like this and they led to a bad mental space like I’m in now. When what I really love to do goes south it has a domino affect on everything else in my life and it makes me feel like I am a total loser.

I really do think I’m on the wrong planet. This is a place I just don’t fit in. I never did. It feels like life is going on all around me and I have always looked for a place to join in but I never have been able to find it. I’ve ‘made do’ for years but as far as a life goes, no way.

The older I get I can see that I have pretty much wasted my time here and although I try to keep slugging it doesn’t really do any good. If I could lay down peacefully and transfer my remaining days over to someone who really wants it I’d gladly do that starting today.

I remember when my cousin Jef was dying of cancer in 2001. He was the age I am now. He’s got five kids and had three comic book stores and he was cut down in the prime of a life he worked hard to build. If I could have laid down then and let him live I’d have done it in a second. Now he’s gone and his kids don’t have a dad and I just don’t understand it.

Life is not fair and I don’t see that changing any time soon. I have had enough of all this insanity and if I could leave this planet tomorrow I would be on the first flying saucer that had an empty seat headed ANYWHERE. This place is turning out to be a big flea market.

I should have died in my car accident in 1993. It really is a miracle that I survived but it sure didn’t lead to anything other than fifteen years of radio firings and problems and lots of disappointments from coast to coast. Now I’m back at square one and out of answers.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? Comedy gigs are drying up left and right and it isn’t going to get better any time soon. I want to do my Uranus business but I really don’t have a clue as to how to get that going and profitable in the near future. I wanted to start a side business as my comedy continues to grow but that’s not how it’s going to work now.

I’m in a tough spot. What do I do? I have no idea right now. My current down mode is a bad place to be because nothing looks positive. I don’t have any family to go to for advice but I never did. That’s why I’ve made some of the stupid mistakes I’ve made and now I’m all alone in having to dig myself out of all this. Right now the future doesn’t look bright.

I wish I had a good thing to say but I don’t. My business partner embezzled all my cash. Other people owe me money because I stupidly was generous and thought they’d pay me back. WRONG. Comedy gigs are looking bleak and my calendar is empty for the longest stretch it’s ever been and my mental outlook is in the toilet. Where’s your Dr. Phil now?

Is this supposed to be an exercise to build mental toughness? Character? Bitterness? It’s a mystery to me but this is the situation I’m in and I have limited choices. In a nutshell the two main choices are live or die. I’ve considered both and actually #2 sounds interesting.

If there’s a next world it’s GOT to be better than this one. I’ve been around this one for enough time to know that a lot of it isn’t to my liking. The more I try to fit in the less I do. The people I’ve met that are good are very good but the idiots outnumber them by a lot.

When I get like this I’m no fun to be around and I know it. I don’t enjoy getting into the dark side of life but it’s a constant struggle. I was going ok until that situation in Topeka. It hit me in the face out of nowhere and it sent me into this tailspin. Those goofs haven’t a clue that they did that either. They’re just a bunch of drunk frat boys who don’t care at all.

I sat down and wrote a well thought out email to the club today. I explained my point of view and the situation at hand and asked that I please be paid so we can all move on. This doesn’t have to get drawn out or ugly if they’ll just write me a check and that’s it. I didn’t want to go over the booker’s head but he wasn’t going to fight for me so I did it myself.

I wasn’t rude or ugly and I took my time and was happy with the email I sent. It was an accurate representation of how I felt and I proposed what I thought was a fair solution to a problem that in my opinion was unnecessary in the first place. I thought it would be better to send an email rather than make a call because at least I have a record of what I said.

It wasn’t nasty or angry or anything other than a statement of facts. I worked and I think I should be paid for what I did. Whether they or the booker use me again isn’t the issue in any of this. That’s probably not going to happen and I’m ok with it. I just want my money for the show I did. If they’ll send me a check we can get over this blip and all move on.

We’ll see if that happens. It probably won’t knowing how these things usually work but at least I made an honest effort. I don’t claim to be perfect but I do claim to be honest and I really try to live by the golden rule. That’s the greatest law of all time and no matter if it pertains to religion or not it’s a fantastic way to live a life for anyone. I always try to do it.

It was really a struggle making it through today. The cloudy rainy atmosphere didn’t do much for my mood but I tried to keep going and think positive. NOT easy when it gets to be so dark in my head. Other people have to fight other things but this is my ugly demon.

I did take some time to read Steve Martin’s book ‘Born Standing Up’. My friend Todd Hunt loaned it to me and I had been meaning to read it for a while. He’s got some of his own darkness to overcome and I guess that’s what fuels all the comedians of the world.

I really don’t want to be like this but what can I do? I’ve been here before and I get out of it for a while and try to do good things and then I’m back in the gutter again. It’s not a fun place to be and if I could stay out of it forever I surely would. It would help if I had a full calendar of good gigs and a family to love me and steady income. Not on this planet.

Booker Backlash

ItsMrLucky — Fri, 02 May 2008 03:53:10 GMT

Thursday May 1st, 2008 - Chicago, IL
Mixed emotions are everywhere. Tim Walkoe had an extra ticket for the Cubs/Brewers game at Wrigley Field today. I love going to Wrigley Field but it’s always weird when the Brewers are in town because I don’t know who to cheer for. I grew up in Milwaukee and I listened to Brewers, Cubs and White Sox games on the radio and I liked all three teams.

The Brewers were in the American League then and I always loved the Cubs because of the mystique of the National League. I always hated the DH and still do so I looked on the National League as real baseball. Plus I loved the ivy of Wrigley and just always liked the Cubs. When I moved to Chicago the Brewers were still in the AL so I became a Cubs fan.

Then when the Brewers jumped leagues they were so bad for so long they were never a threat. Now they’re good and I really like their team. They’ve got great young players that are easy to cheer for and part of me really likes them. But another part likes the Cubs too.

Anytime I get to go to Wrigley Field I enjoy it. It’s just like going to a Packer game. It’s the shrine of that sport and it’s a wonderful experience. I decided to cheer for the Cubs as Tim and the two other friends he brought were die hard Cub fans so that was my team for the day. It helped that one of the other guys also grew up in Milwaukee and understood.

He was a few years older than me and he loved the Braves. When they moved he moved over to the Cubs and he also said that he has the same problem when the Brewers are here as to which team to cheer for. We all saw a very exciting game and in the end the Brewers won in the 9th inning. I didn’t want to be rude and cheer in front of the other guys though.

It would have been good if the Cubs won too. I hope I get to see a World Series win as I have followed them since I was 9 or 10 years old. But I like the Brewers too. I’m wishing both teams good luck and I hope they both get into the playoffs. That would be really fun.

Tim Walkoe is one of the funniest humans on the entire planet. Any Chicago comedian will tell you that and it’s beyond me why he isn’t a major superstar. He’s quick and funny and has a rhythm that’s all his own and off stage he can crack me up like no other person I’ve ever met. Any time I get to hang with him I always enjoy it because he entertains me.

It was very nice of him to call me for the game and we sat and talked about the state of the whole comedy business. Tim is a few years older than me and has been doing it a few years longer and he sees the red flags coming up everywhere too. He’s in the same boat I am in that he’s not a ‘name’ act. He’s as funny as anyone on earth but he’s not famous.

That seems to be what’s needed now. Some no talent wanker who was on Last Comic Standing for three weeks packs people in but can’t deliver a solid funny 45 minute show. Tim Walkoe and me and many other guys who aren’t famous can blow the roof off a club but nobody cares. We get blown off by bookers and then everyone wonders why we have a ‘bad attitude’. Tim was sorry to hear about my situation in Topeka but he understood it.

I heard from the booker today and it’s turning out exactly as I thought it would. Badly. I let it cool off for a couple of days just so I could think about it rationally and cool down a bit. I wrote out my thoughts carefully and explained the situation at hand. NOBODY had a chance in that situation and I was screwed before I got on stage. It was the club’s fault.

Bookers NEVER take the side of the comic in these kinds of situations and that’s what I expected here too. That’s exactly what I got. He wrote that since I didn’t get my money at the time that he would have to ‘teach me a lesson’ and I’d have to eat it this time. He also said ‘I’m NOT going to let you ruin my business. You’ve done this before.’ Hold on here.

YES I have walked off stage before. I can handle just about anything on stage but when it gets out of hand there comes a point when nobody on Earth would be able to do a show. It gets loud and insane or someone throws something or the sound and lights malfunction or who knows what? Many times we just have to suck it up as comics but not this time.

He went on to lecture me about how I was ‘representing him’ and I put it right back on him. Yes, I was representing him and that’s why I walked off stage after asking to get the drunks removed THREE DIFFERENT TIMES. Had I stayed I’d have probably taken the mike stand and caved in a few skulls. But I didn’t want to let it get to that point so I left.

Whatever he thinks I did do a very good show on Friday night and I feel I should get my pay for that night at the very least. Saturday should be paid too but I won’t push that. I do want my pay for Friday and I will call the owner myself and explain my situation politely and see what happens. Since the booker won’t fight for me I will pursue this by myself.

I really hate to see it get this far. He should protect me here but he doesn’t. Most of the bookers won’t. They’re out for themselves only and don’t understand how difficult it is to do standup comedy. They don’t really care if the situation is out of hand and that’s wrong. ‘Teaching me a lesson’ by not asking for my pay infuriates me and I’ll go over his head.

This means I won’t get booked with him anymore but at this point I’m ok with that. He showed his true colors and his gigs are at the lower end of the totem pole anyway. I’m not looking to make enemies and I really did like working for the guy but this took it too far.

I remember a situation with that fat bag of pig snot who runs the club in Milwaukee that thinks he’s Al Capone’s overweight clone. He acts like a gangster and he pulled a similar stunt years ago and screwed me out of $400. I tried to be nice and handle it professionally then but he was an ass and flaunted it in my face to boot. I listened to the wrong people.

The booker there was supposed to help but she didn’t so I am out the cash. She’s out of the business. Who lost? Everyone except that fat scumbag. I should have filed a claim for it in small claims court so if and when he sells the joint I’ll get my money eventually. If it took 20 years it’d still be worth it if it would make his life as miserable as he made mine.

I really don’t want it to come to that though. All I want is my money for a show I did. If I never play Topeka again I’m not going to die but this whole thing seems so unnecessary.

Back To The Script

ItsMrLucky — Thu, 01 May 2008 05:47:24 GMT

Wednesday April 30th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
At a time of need it’s great to have a good partner. I’ve been bouncing in and out of one of my infamous funks the last few days and I’ve been really trying not to let it get too out of control. When I get like this it makes me want to avoid everyone and that’s not what is going to help me break out of it. I think it’s better to force myself to work right through it.

That’s what I did today. My writing partner Rick Kaempfer has a fantastic work ethic. It probably comes at least partially from his German heritage. My grandmother was German and she could out work a platoon of Marines when she got going. She was about 5’2” but that didn’t stop her from shoveling snow or pulling weeds or whatever else needed doing.

Grandma was always wiping and scrubbing and washing and cleaning and it didn’t stop for sundown or Sundays. It used to drive me nuts but that’s how she was. Rick is a whole lot more laid back but he still gets things done. I couldn’t have picked a better partner for this script project. We get going and then it stops and then he’s right back to work again.

That’s exactly what I need with this project. The story really is fascinating but I lived it and it’s very painful to go back to that place. I had to testify in court against my childhood best friend and to this day I have nightmares about it. He forced me into that horrible ugly situation but I wasn’t going to prison for a bank robbery I didn’t commit. Who would?

It still didn’t make it easy. That whole period of my life was one torturous kick after the next and I’d rather just forget it but it really does make a fascinating story. Rick is the one who convinced me I should see it through to completion and I haven’t been keeping up on my end of the bargain lately. I’ve been dealing with my new problems but it’s no excuse.

One of my goals this year was to finish that script and SELL it so I can move on and not have to think about it anymore. It’s like a baby inside my brain and it’s kicking to get out. Once the script is sold I’m sure the movie will not be anything like what really happened but that’s ok. I just want it to be a good movie. That’s why I don’t want to have a big role.

I’m not an actor and never claimed to be. I wouldn’t mind a cameo in it somewhere but starring in it has never been my goal. This happened in my 20s and I think it should be for a pair of up and coming actors who can play the pair of lifelong best friends. Actually the fun role to play will probably be the bank robber. He ends up turning to the dark side.

Nobody is going to play anyone until I get the damn thing finished and sell it. Even then there’s no guarantee it’s ever going to get made but I really think this story is too strong to not get made. It’s got a lot of twists and turns and everyone who’s heard it is mesmerized.

That’s why I need to get cranking on it again. I talked to Rick today and we both agreed that it’s time to get back to work. I have some time off this next few months and I have no excuse not to finish this project. We made a goal of July 1st and I really think we can do it by then. I need to drop what I’m doing and make this happen. The clock is now ticking.

Supporting A Friend

ItsMrLucky — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:37:52 GMT

Tuesday April 29th, 2008 - Highland Park, IL
One of the greatest benefits I’ve enjoyed in a lifetime of being in and around comedy is having a stellar list of wonderful souls I’ve been able to meet and call friends. I have a lot of problems too but whenever I get low I know there are many people who I really admire and respect and am proud to have in my life. It gives me a glimmer of hope in the world.

I’ve found throughout my life that the people who have a good sharp sense of humor are the only people I truly care about. They are usually not only funny but also intelligent and there’s a heaping helping of kindness in the mix as well. They come in all colors and ages and ethnicities and they brighten everyone around them. I treasure these people in my life.

Many of them are comedians but a lot more aren’t. Teaching classes for as long as I did put me in contact with literally hundreds of people who had that spark inside of them and I never get sick of being around that. Some of them pursued comedy as a career but most of them just wanted to see what it was all about. I love staying in contact with all of them.

One of those people is Arif Choudhury. Arif took my class a few years ago and we have stayed in touch off and on like so many other students and I do. He is a CPA by day but is involved in all kinds of other stuff too. He’s dabbled in comedy and also is interested in a career in film making. A couple of years ago he also started storytelling. He stays busy.

Arif is one of my very favorite people. He’s laid back and a gentle soul and a person or audience can’t help but like the guy. His inner kid is always out and he’s about as easy to deal with as anyone I’ve ever met. Whenever I hear from him it always cheers me up.

All that being said I received an email from him today saying he was performing over at the Highland Park public library doing his storytelling material. He has always been really supportive of my comedy classes and has even recorded a few so I felt I owed it to him to return the favor and go and show support. That’s what friends do and I’m so glad I went.

He drew a nice crowd and had a very strong set which he recorded to put on a CD. He’s got some great stories and with his extreme likeability he really pulled off a super show. It wasn’t a standup comedy show but that’s not what he claimed it was. It was much deeper.

Here’s a dark skinned guy who’s Bangladeshi-American and a Muslim. Think he didn’t have any trouble after 9/11? I have my own problems but it’s not that. I remember back in class he had a long beard and it was pretty intimidating on stage. He had to deal with how he looked but he was so likeable and gentle that in a very short time people got over it.

Arif has really morphed into something more than a comedian. His presentation tonight was funny and informative and there is a real need for it. HE is the guy that should be on CNN explaining how all of us as people just want the same things. I was really impressed by how much work he put into his presentation and I was just proud to be his friend as we sat as a group being entertained and informed. People like Arif are why I keep slugging.

Half A Day Off

ItsMrLucky — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:21:10 GMT

Monday April 28th, 2008 - Chicago, IL
Half a day off today. Usually on Mondays I run around like a raped ape and make a pair of trips into Chicago. One is by train to be on WLS and the other is by car to do Zanies in some capacity. This week I only had to be on the radio because Zanies took a night off.

I was still feeling low about the whole mess in Topeka and didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to Jerry and the other guys because that’s no way to be a good friend and team mate. We have a commitment and I will honor my part.

It doesn’t mean my heart was in it though. I just didn’t feel funny today. Some days I’m bulletproof and nothing can stop me. Then there are days like today when I feel like I’m a complete waste of humanity and don’t want to leave the house. Nut job? Bipolar? Maybe.

I do know I’m not the only creative type that feels that way though. I think it goes with the territory. That pendulum swung in Topeka and I really felt it today. It wasn’t anger at all. It was disappointment. I didn’t intend to have that result at all. All I wanted was to do a great show and make a room full of people laugh and get paid and drive home. That’s it.

I didn’t intend to have to be a one man riot squad and have to try and match wits with a table full of frat boys in a room full of idiots who had no idea what I was trying to do. It’s a feeling of frustration and emptiness and disappointment and it makes me question life.

But we had a radio show to do and nobody cares about my problems. That’s ok. I’m not asking for that. I have to say it sure didn’t do the self esteem any favors to have Jerry tell us he received an email asking ‘Why are those idiots on? I’ve never laughed ONCE.’

Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence! It’s always nice to have hate mail. At least I can stay humble another week. Normally I laugh at stuff like that or even take pride in it but it stung to hear that today. Jerry gets it all the time but that’s his job. He’s a talk show host.

I’m a comedian. I just want to make life better for people and in turn feel better myself. I am good at what I do and I would think after all these years of polishing my craft I’d be a lot farther along than I am but I still have to fight drunks in Topeka and get hate mail.

At least if I was paid well I could insulate myself from it a little. I could keep the idiots at bay a little but now I am right there mixed in with everybody. I don’t have a choice. I’ll have to find some more work in the Topekas of the world for the next while to pay bills.

I was glad to have the night off at Zanies tonight. I just didn’t want to deal with anyone today. Sometimes I just need to be by myself and today was one of those times. I watched some vintage Rodney Dangerfield DVDs I have and laughed all over again. He’s the man.

But he wasn’t a happy guy either. When I met him I could see the pain in his world too. Is that what it takes to be a good comedian? That’s a heavy price to pay for those laughs.

Intense In Topeka

ItsMrLucky — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:59:05 GMT

Sunday April 27th, 2008 - Topeka, KS/Kenosha, WI

Trouble in Topeka last night. I sure didn’t see this one coming. I was already packed for the drive home when I left for the club from the hotel. I was rested and fed and ready for a good show and then a long drive. I was relaxed and laid back and thinking good thoughts.

But as I walked into the comedy club I could feel a vibe and I knew it wasn’t good. I’ve been at this a long time and I can sense the energy of a crowd before a show. Usually it’s positive but sometimes it’s not. This was not. I felt that giant red flag sliding up the pole.

I looked around and saw an inordinate amount of ball caps and that’s never a good sign. I also noticed a lot of tattoos and odd piercing and that’s also not usually conducive to me having a good show. I could totally feel their angst building. I wasn’t expecting this at all.

The opening act was not the best match for me either. She’s pretty dirty and hasn’t been in comedy all that long and in this kind of a situation that can pour gas on the fire. It’s not a personal thing and I don’t have anything against her but in this situation it did add to the degree of difficulty of the situation. All the stars were lining up against me for this show.

To make it even worse the emcee was a twenty something DJ who hadn’t been taught to host a show and he was clueless as to how to set the tone for the night or introduce any of us. He didn’t make any announcements to keep table talk down and was totally useless.

The opener went up and she had to dig out of a hole from the first ten seconds. She then started swearing and took the show in a direction I was hoping it wouldn’t have to go but now it was and that set the tone. Again, it’s not my job to tell anyone what to do but when they’re opening for me I’d prefer they kept it clean. Most headliners want a clean opener.

That wasn’t in the cards. She had to defend herself and I can’t blame her for that. There was a bachelor party right up front and they wouldn’t let the show get started. There were about a dozen cocky drunken frat boy types and that‘s never good. This reeked of trouble.

They had been doing shots all night apparently and they felt they had to be the center of attention for the comedy show. I have seen these kinds of things get out of hand before so I carefully watched how it played out so I could hopefully just do my time and go home.

This particular place takes an intermission of about ten minutes between the opener and the headliner and no matter how many times comedians beg them not to that’s just how it works here. The booker has tried to get them to stop but they won’t so we just accept it.

If there ever was a night when an intermission hurt it was tonight. By the time I went up the bachelor party was even drunker and I could see I would have a touchy situation here. Some of the people weren’t back from the bathroom yet but the DJ just went up and gave me a horrible intro and brought me up. I tried my best to set a tone and build up a rapport.

I tried to focus on the rest of the people because I knew the party was trouble. The place was full and I hoped to get the others laughing and drown out the idiots. Ha. Nice try. The others were about as stupid as they come and for whatever reason I wasn’t able to get any kind of a roll going. Lines I know kill everywhere weren’t working and it was all over.

I’ve been around the block and can handle these situations because unfortunately I have been in them more than once. Once in a while it just doesn‘t work out. It was going to be a long night and I knew it so I just settled in to finish my time and fulfill my obligation.

That’s when it got ugly. One of the frat boys was checking his phone messages right up front and I had to deal with that. I politely asked him to stop and he shot back ‘If the show was funnier I wouldn’t HAVE to check my messages.’ That was it. I snapped like a twig.

He said it in such a condescending and nasty way it reminded me of my father. I started in on him and tore him a new bung hole right in front of his buddies. He wasn’t ready for that and didn’t know how to handle it. And of course the rest of the idiots loved all of it.

He then took a dollar out of his wallet and walked to the stage and dropped it at my feet and told me to ’take some comedy lessons’. I asked the bouncers to remove the table but I didn’t get any help. I tried going on and they kept yelling and I again asked for some help.

After the third time of asking for these halfwits to get bounced and getting no response I just walked off stage. No amount of money on earth is worth more than my self esteem or dignity and I’ve been doing this way too long to have to prove myself to pinhead morons.

I walked up to the security apes and the bartender and asked why they didn’t bounce the table and I was told ‘Because they work here.’ I was so angry I couldn’t see straight. I just got in my car and left. If I’d stayed I’d have said or done something I’d be sorry for later.

There is a deep seeded anger in me and I’ve struggled with it my whole life. Anger isn’t a bad thing in itself but if it takes the wrong path bad things can happen. I am getting a lot better at dealing with it as I get older but deep down that little spark is still there. Why fan those into flames by staying around that situation? Nothing good would have come of it.

Now I’m going to have to pay the consequences with the booker. He’s a good guy and I like working for him and the last thing I want to do is make trouble but he’ll probably get an earful from the club on Monday. Or not. Maybe they’ll understand and just pay me off.

Fat chance. There will be ripples from this but I will take it like a man and move on. If I never work Topeka or for this booker ever again I won’t starve. I hope it doesn’t come to that but chances are someone’s going to be a little irritable. But they’ll get over it. Me too.

This whole thing came out of the blue and it sure made for an unpleasant 715 mile drive back to Kenosha to do the Mothership Connection radio show today. I didn’t get a chance to sleep and went right to the station. We had a killer show and today I really needed that.

Jordy Nelson?

ItsMrLucky — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:06:07 GMT

Saturday April 26th, 2008 - Topeka, KS
Jordy Nelson? I waited three and a half hours for Jordy Nelson? I’m such a geek. Today is NFL draft day and I’ve been waiting for it for months. My beloved Packers were on the clock at pick number 30 and they traded down. Their first pick was at number 36 and they took a white guy. That’s never a good sign but I’m sure there was some thought behind it.

There was a guy named Favre that was drafted in the second round and he turned out to be halfway decent. Maybe this Nelson guy can squeeze out a career and make this day his entry into the hearts of the cheese head faithful. He’s already got our support…for now.

It’s amazing how huge the NFL draft has become. It’s a major television event and I’m not the only one who looks forward to it every year. People go to New York and dress up in their team’s colors and paint their faces just like they’re going to a game. It’s insane.

The whole thing is insane. I’ve said it before, it’s an addiction and I have it. I’m hooked for life and until I croak I will always care about the Packers. I will watch games and care if they win and on draft day I’ll hope they get the next big steal so they can keep winning.

I hate myself for loving it so much but I do so rather than fight it I admit it and sit back every year and enjoy the day. Every male in America dreams of hearing his name called at some point in a professional sports draft. Very few ever get to have that dream come true but we all have it. I know I did. I still do. Part of me expected to get called this afternoon.

“The Green Bay Packers select…backup holder…extra points only… Dobie Maxwell.” I walk out in my mustard yellow suit with my Packers cap on and give the big smile and handshake to the commissioner and say how proud I am to be chosen by my home team. Then they flash all my highlights from the school yard and Mel Kiper Jr. says it’s a steal.

EVERY guy imagines himself in that position whether he’s 22 or 72. I waited for it too and instead of hearing my name I got Jordy Nelson’s instead. What a letdown. But I don’t care. I’m used to letdowns in life. I’ll follow Jordy’s career and he can make up for it with a good career and helping the Packers feed my addiction and win on Sundays. Good luck.

Back to the real world for another year. I’m in Topeka and will have a hellaciously long drive after the show tonight to make it back to be on the radio in Kenosha tomorrow. I’m not thrilled about it but I knew that was part of the deal when I took this gig so that’s how it goes. I caught a bit of a break because there’s only one show tonight. That’ll help some.

I’ll have plenty of time to let my mind wander as I drive across I-70. Weather shouldn’t be a problem and I’ll have Coast to Coast AM to keep me company so it could be worse. I have made drives like this my whole life so I’ll suck it up and deal with it and get it done.

Jordy Nelson went to college at Kansas St. which isn’t far from here. I doubt if they will make him drive in to Green Bay but if they do I’ve got an extra seat. I’m leaving tonight.