Blog entries for mortauthority

BioHazard - Urban Discipline

mortauthority — Sun, 20 May 2007 15:26:14 GMT

I first heard of BioHazard in October of 1992. At the time Sick of It All was one of my favorite bands and their 'Just Look Around' tour was stopping in Green Bay. My friends and I bought tickets and made the trek up north. When we got there we were surprised to hear that Sick Of It All was 'co-headlining' with some band we had never heard of called BioHazard (Sheer Terror was the opener). Judging by their promo posters they appeared to be a metal and not hardcore group: they were big, tattooed, hesher, long hairs. As they took the stage we were unprepared for what we were about to hear – they were hardcore, even harder than SOIA! The pit was on fire, the SOIA guys lined the side of the stage and watched approvingly and I, along with everyone else in attendance was blown away.

After their set and during Sick Of It All's show, the BioHazard guys walked amongst the crowd. We found it curious that not only had we never heard this band, but, as big and scary as they appeared, they were cool. Nice even. They seemed really appreciative and happy to be there. That evening I purchased a SOIA baseball hat and rather than buying an accompanying shirt, I spent my last dollars on the new BioHazard CD,' Urban Discipline.'

These days I'm not an avid hardcore fan. I probably haven't listened to this CD through in 12 years. I forgot how good this record is.

From start to finish a tone is set and from what I recall, the sound on this record was new. It was different. It was one of the first successful mixtures of metal and hardcore (however I never did get around to listening to BioHazard's debut so maybe it was one of the second successful mixtures?). In my mind, the only other record of its kind from that early 90's period that rivals it is Integrity's ' For those who fear Tomorrow' or possibly the first Clutch album and one of the things that set it apart from those is its subject matter is more 'realist.' Thinking back to the gritty rap emerging out of New York at the time I can hear this record being played back to back with Wu-Tang's first album. Also, a good number of the songs contain the precursor to the rap/metal hybrid that was soon to become popular (and awful). BioHazard, with their alternating vocals (like a hardcore Fugazi or Hotwater), showed how the rap/metal genre could actually be something worthwhile. Unfortunately for our collective popular culture not enough people picked up on the idea that an essential ingredient in the rap/metal hybrid is hardcore. The hardcore chorus is prevalent throughout the record and harkens back to the late 80's hardcore scene. BioHazard was a part of the scene – the underground.

That truism is reflected in the vehement attack on the music industry on track 4, 'Business' wherein they scream, "MUSICs for you and me, not the fuckin' industry, You fuckin' tell us what is cool? You see we come from different schools … The message in the music is the reason that we're in this, That's what matters to us, not business." And messages abound throughout the album: messages of integrity, against selling out, striving to be a better person and creating or finding a better world.

I really enjoyed revisiting this record. It is strong and filled with testosterone but it's also smart. I was shocked and delighted to hear toward the end of the album a remake of Bad Religion's 'Were All Gonna Die (Of our own Arrogance). This is a record that has that quality that I'm searching for as I search blindly through my CDs. However, at this time in my life I can only listen to it so many times before it is time for a change and so I am now getting up closing my eyes and selecting a new record...and the new selection is: Mark Eitzel's 'Caught in a trap and I can't break out because I love you too much, baby.'

King Tee - Tha Triflin' Album

mortauthority — Sat, 12 May 2007 04:25:31 GMT

Where da hoe sat?

Where diggy diggy diggy diggy

Where da hoe sat?"

- (excerpt from Where Da Hoe Sat?)

Over the past few days I listened to this record through a few times while I was driving. This record is from that early 90's Gangsta rap period that exploded just after the Rodney King beating and the subsequent LA riots. It followed right on the heels of the string of classic West Coast rap records like Ice Cube's Death Certificate and Dr. Dre's The Chronic.

Although it features appearances by Ice Cube and most of it is produced by DJ Pooh, this record is not of the same caliber of the classics. As I listened I kept thinking there is something missing … There is something that sets those albums apart from the dozens, perhaps hundreds of gansta rap records released during the same period. I think that that something, like all great albums, is that they set a tone, conveyed a feeling and most importantly painted a somewhat cohesive picture. They don’t just contain interchangeable tracks. The songs and interludes comprise the albums like pieces to a puzzle. That is not the case with King Tee’s Tha Triflin’ Album.

The first six songs are party jams filled with one-liners about drinking and smoking pot. The highlight is “Got it Bad” featuring the Alcholiks. E-Swift and company flex their verbal superiority and help make King Tee - for at least one song anyway – sound like a wordsmith. The next third of the album centers around having sex and not putting hoes before your homies. This section of the album includes the ridiculous song quoted above called “Where Da Hoe Sat?” This song begins with a sample of the ‘Warning! You must use JimmyHat condoms!’ sample found on Ice Cube’s “Death Certificate” and then King Tee begins rapping pretending to be a condom that wants to have sex. He raps through a voice modulator to make his voice sound high, like a condom’s voice. The majority of the song lyric consists of him saying

Where da hoe sat?

Where diggy diggy diggy diggy

Where da hoe sat?"

And while there are two or three songs attempting to address the issues of ghetto life and strife I think you’ll agree that after hearing “Where’s Da Hoe Sat?” there isn’t much point in discussing them.

So I’m done with this record for another 14 years. I’m now going to walk over to my CDs, close my eyes and select a new selection…and next up is: BioHazard, “Urban Disipline”

my new music/writing project

mortauthority — Tue, 08 May 2007 01:11:01 GMT

I have a lot of cds.

A lot of people have a lot of 'gigs' on their 'hard drive' but not me, I'm old fashioned.

I have a lot of cds.

I like albums. Full albums. I don't buy songs. I buy albums.

Over the past year I've found myself listening to NPR/WPR the majority of the day in favor of listening to music full time. As a result if I do find myself listening to music when the radio topic doesn't catch my attention, it is rarely more than one particular album by one particular group a day. And sometimes from inertia (laziness) a day can becomes days and a week.

But I have all these CDs stacked about my office. Exactly 20 years worth of CD buying collecting dust (I still remember my first batch of CDs, Sonic Youth 'Confusion is Sex' - stolen from my house in Madison in 1994 by a guy named Snap - and The Cure: Staring at a Beach).

And so I've decided to do something new. I'm going to close my eyes and randomly select one CD. I will then listen to that CD and only that CD (when listening to music mind you) until such time that I find the time to write a review of the CD. Once the review is written and posted I will once again close my eyes and randomly select a new CD selection and repeat the process.

I'm about to pick my first pick...I've just opened my eyes and my first selection is: King Tee 'Tha Triflin' Album'

Hilarious! this is gonna be fun! stay tuned!

Reject pt. 2 I have thick skin, really I do.

mortauthority — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:57:48 GMT

Here's the letter I just got:

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for considering [insert business name here] as your next employer. At this time we do not feel you would be a good match at this operation. (my bolding) We wish you the best of luck with your job search.

Sincerely,

Management

Now I may be being overly sensitive but for some reason that line about not being a good match irked me. For the most part the reject letters I get describe how it was a hard decision to choose from many qualified candidates, that I was among the finalists but in the end they decided to go with someone else. In contrast, this letter struck me as saying we don't think you are any good - we haven't hired anyone yet, but when and if we do, it won't be you because you wouldn't fit in here.

Perhaps that's not what they were saying and they just meant to say "it was a hard decision to choose from many qualified candidates, that I was among the finalists but in the end they decided to go with someone else." Well if that's the case, they should have hired me so I could have written it properly for them.

Reject pt. 1 it was a bummer, man

mortauthority — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:55:24 GMT

this is part 1 because many have come prior and I'm afraid more are on the way.

Today Shavonne handed me a letter from the Boys and Girls Club that I interviewed with last Friday. The interview went well. I felt descent about it. It wasn't my first choice but if offered I would have taken it.

As anyone who has searched and searched for employment knows, when the company sends a letter after the interview it is usually to tell you you didn't get the job.

This letter didn't deviate from past experience. The words were kind. And it was nice that they actually told me I didn't get it rather than not saying anything like some companies have done. But just the same, it was a bummer, man.

Ah one two, ah one two - let's start - episode 4 in effect

mortauthority — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 21:09:36 GMT

Ah one two, ah one two - let's start - episode 4 in effect - Ah one two, ah one two

"When Serch told G-Child to step off (last week) I felt like he was giving me a second chance (for being so weak)." Yeah Sullee, you were weak last week but you didn't catch a fitz like Geraldine Ferraro, who's full of sorrow or G-Child cuz the girl didn't
win but the sun will still come out tomorrow and shine
shine shine like gold mine today's a new day and the sun will still shine even for Jus Rhyme who is full of guilt because he's a PHD Ethnic Studies candidate and he's white so he's guilty of being white and he's a convict of a racist crime and he's only served 28 years of his time yeah Sullee its obvious you got a second chance but maybe not a third let's move along the song and listen to what was heard in the White House (white) rapper's domain and where in episode four Serch brought the Pain no not physically but in the form of four clovers for real the Pain, the House, the one's that's down with B-Real and the Cypress, yeah Everlast and crew came to pay a little visit to ya the Caucasian rhymers give them a little taste of white rap big timers though some might say whiners depends on your side: what team you're on: speaking of teams once again it was on: the competition was tight a red team and a blue tangled up in a fight to see who's the best at putting a track together no time to relax this has to be a club banger head bobber head banger crowd stopper with beats by Just Blaze the two teams (Persia John Brown Jon Boy Jus Rhyme vs. Shamrock Sullee 100 Proof) in the studio for the first time though best believe this ain't they first rhyme they're all good gettin better but can they work as a dream team and take the gold get their record sold in stores for 15.99 or will they be bargin bin at a buck or .99?

Ah one two, ah one two - let's keep it going - episode 4 in effect - Ah one two, ah one two

Team Red struggled to be cohesive cuz they wanted to produce a party joint about smokin' weed and Jus Rhyme the positive one felt that was bad for the seeds and the youth of America: he doesn't want to be a rapper that's scarin'ya with crime rhymes or alcohol soaked good times he wants to uplift with positivity like Public Enemy so he was the enemy on his own dream team, call it a nightmare, Cant we all just get along? coulda been the name of their song at first but they soon got it together and didn't even curse in one verse but would their joint about smokin bongs in da club, their song about smokin' joints in da club, come in first or worst?

(an aside, Persia it turns out has a very nice sounding singing voice).

Team Blue on to yous threes buddies in rhyme comrads from the start but will you keep it together this time with a song about girls chicks feminitas at da club that you want to rub up and down and take home as if your name was Karl Malone or even Scott Skiles no matter who it is the aim is to bone but with disharmony and a roguish one night stand that was the name of your song and DJ Blaze just couldn't understand what you were going for and he told you the same that any lady hearing it would surely complain just the same by the end it was plain that yous threes buddies in rhyme comrades had a descent song and it would be long til the judging begins,,,

Ah one two, ah one two - here we go - episode 4 in effect - Ah one two, ah one two

After completing the song the contestants are brought to a Bronx strip club to have their songs played for the dancers. Each 'club banger' song is played and danced to. The song that elicits the most energy from the dancer wins. The one and only Kool Keith aka Dr. Octagon aka Dr. DOom aka Black Elvis is on hand to help judge! (Kool Keith ranks up there in my top 5 rappers all-time).

In the end the judges pick the Red team which means the boys in the Blue team face a rap off elimination in front of the entire nation this is no vacation for these three buddies in rhyme cuz it's do or die time to see who can flow and who's gotsta go no no no can't make a mistake and misstep will find your body in the lake with cement shoes cuz you lose you lost it's time to step off:

100 Proof.

Leave it up to 100 Proof he be living proof that as Serch continually reminds the contestants the (White) Rapper Show AIN'T NO JOKE!

I was bummed to see 100 Proof go. As I mentioned last week, he was my favorite contestant. He basically forgot his words in the rap off and another thing that sided against him was that Serch and Prince Paul felt that his rhyming and delivery was too old school style and that he wouldn't be able to overcome that as the rounds continued, Shamrock gave the best performance. Sullee could have just as easily gone but once again next week he may repeat a slight variation from his statement this week "When Serch told 100 Proof to step off (last week) I felt like he was giving me a third chance (for being so weak)." and if that is the case, then this blog will also begin with a slight variation on the theme ... end you don't stop.

maybe today is a new day?

mortauthority — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 22:43:45 GMT

Today as I drove by the po-lice department of West Bend I noticed a group of 10 or so sign-toting, krusty-looking punks standing around on the sidewalk. Apparently it was actually an effort based on a larger nationwide iniative to show support for bringing the troops home. I know most people scoff at their 'efforts.' What good are these kids doing?

Well, on some level, I applaud their enthusiam and lack of cynicism. I for one wish i still believed my opinions on historical issues still made a difference. I was one of the people that think Feingold was right in voting against the war at the outset. I am one of the people that didn't believe that Iraq was an imminent threat (as has been proved time and again in the past few years -- just examine the evidence from the current Scooter Libby case). And I am one of the people that knew my opinion on the matter held no importance.

I was just listening to a report about how today's protest was the largest since -- though not anywhere near as big as -- the 2003 global protest prior to the Iraq war: the report concluded that there was less mass public descent after that 13 million person protest because, in the end, it didn't accomplish its goal (the war, as we know, continued unhindered). And after driving by the 'demonstration' in West Bend I doubt anything was accomplished today either. But then, who knows, maybe today is a new day?

Lying in a bar with my drip feed on
Talking to my girlfriend waiting for something to happen
I wish it was the sixties
I wish we could be happy
I wish, I wish, I wish that something would happen

Where do we go from here?

Contestant Rundown

mortauthority — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 19:02:36 GMT

I am getting closer. I can feel it. I have two promising interviews this week. That's all I can say about it at the moment. And now on to more important things!

Here is a rundown of the current contestants on The (White) Rapper Show:

G-Child - short, pale young lady from Allentown, PA. Kind of grungy looking with dishwater blond hair. Sports the classic 90's shaved-on-the-sides-long-on-top hairdo. And this is unbelievable, but her favorite 'rapper' is Vanilla Ice. Seriously. She carries a photo of him and her together in her wallet.

100 Proof - my favorite contestant. Not so much for his abilities but because he wears Waylon Jennings t-shirts. (Seeing as I named one of my kids after Waylon Jennings, 100 Proof gets my vote automatically). 100 Proof is from Texas. He's a bigger guy and he teases a high, blond, half-hawk on top of his head and wears a Mike Muir style bandana across his forehead and brow.

John Brown - this guy is from Davis, CA. He looks kind of like someone you would see skating on the East Side. He seems decent lyrically but he has this gimmick of being 'King of the 'Burbs' and he keeps talking about his start-up collective/company 'Ghetto Rivival' which when pressed about he can't really explain what it is. As Lord Jamar from Brand Nubian said to him last night, Why do you want to revive the ghetto - that just poverty and pain for African-Americans!?!

Persia - At first I found her to be big and obnoxious and overbearing and I thought she was like some big white chick from the midwest that was enamored with the negative aspects of Black culture. But, it turns out, while she is big and obnoxious, she is from Far Rockaway, Queens and she is a good rapper and she likes good rap. I'm starting to like her more. She and John Brown dislike one another.

Sullee - Looks like Reshkey. He's from Boston. Very self-assured in his abilities ... probably more so than he should be. He seems decent but not spectacular. He lost his cool and wanted to fight John Brown when John Brown and Persia were arguing - chill out man.

JusRhyme - Seemed like someone that would maybe be part of the Rhymesayers collective up in MSP or something. However, he's beginning to get on people's nerves for being a little too righteous.

JonBoy - he's from Virginia. Seems kind of plain. His company's name is High Rolla Records and I think that's kind of lame. But just the same he seems nice.

$hamrock - this guy is from Atlanta so I guess he is going for that 'Crunk' type flow. He has an odd mouth, or as they might say on the show, 'grill' and he wears gold teeth. He seems cool enough but on his myspace page he claims his philosophy to be 'I ain't tryin' to reinvent the wheel here - I make music, I get money and I make it happen.' His stock just dropped in this watcher's eyes.

So there you have the contestants currently in the race for $100,000 on VH1's The (White) Rapper Show. Well, actually that's what you had, last night, G-Child was eliminated, It was only a matter of time, I mean, Vanilla Ice? Are you serious? 3 down 6 to go, stay tuned!

I don't know if this show will make it more than a season.

mortauthority — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 04:56:20 GMT

Part of my five-fold root of a resolution for 07 was to watch less tv. In December I analysed the year to come and determined a schedule of 4 shows that I would make time to enjoy:

1. scrubs

2. sopranos

3. american idol

4. survivor

5. frontline

However, now just 3 weeks into the new year and my analysis and consequent resolution has proven faulty from the discovery of VH1's Surreal Life Fame Game and the subject of this blog, The (White) Rapper Show.

I am enthralled.

The show is a contest where 10 white rapper wannabees were chosen to live in an apartment in the Bronx (the birthplace of Hip Hop) and compete for $100,000. The moderater and host is MC Serch the white Jewish hip hop icon from the group 3rd Bass. Thus far from the one and a half episodes I've seen, the other notable hip-hop legends to lend a hand with the contest have been Grandmaster Flash, Prince Paul, Grandmaster Cas and Kurtis Blow.

The contest have included 2 women and 7 men from various cities around the US as well as 1 women from London. The show follows a tried and true reality show/contest/survivoresque format where you see the interactions of the contestants followed by a lesson followed by a contest followed by more interactions followed by an elimination. But in this case the contests are all hip hop related. And the thing I'm finding most beautiful (like the most beautifullest thing in the world) is that the show is giving credence and cred to 'true' hip hop culture as opposed to 'rap' and the commonplace bling rap music popular today.

An example to clarify the point is the reprimanding by Serch of the lady rapper Persia who at one point got 'gangsta' and began brazenly using the N-word to show her hardness when attempting to intimidate another contestant, John 'the king of the burbs' Brown. As punishment for her indescretion she was made to where a HUGE silver chain with a diamond pendant that read 'The N-Word' for the day. While watching the episode I was pleased to see that the issue was met head-on and the white 'rapper' was made to feel as foolish as she sounded to an outsider like, well, me.

I don't know if this show will make it more than a season. And I don't know if it will educate anyone. But I am going to add it to my list of shows to watch in 2007. And along with a recap of my continuing job search, this blog will now also be a discussion and analysis of MC Serch's The White Rapper Show.

My problem with this

mortauthority — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:03:56 GMT

So I know in today's world that there's no point in getting frustrated by advertising anymore but just the same I feel I need mention this frustrating case: the new UPS ad.

Allow me to explain. OK. Apple has that campaign going with John Hodgeman (Author, Comedian) playing the uptight, unfun PC and Justin Long (the actor not the DJ) playing the hip, fashionable MAC and regardless which side of that debate you are on, the ads themselves are somewhat entertaining. Plus, they fit the culture of MACs. They make sense, in a sense. Sure not all PC users are stocky, middle-aged and bald just as not all MAC users are thin, hip and 20-something but the illusion is there, the product design is there, and MAC marketers are playing on it. Good. Fine.

But now we have a new campaign from UPS that seems to be attempting to present UPS as cool, hip and with fashionable hair. The campaign seemed to be aimed at small businesses and to further accentuate their new 'non-corporate' indie sensibilities they backed the commercial with music from The Postal Service's 'Such Great Heights.' (never mind the irony).

As I recall, in the commercial an older brother looking, more mature and driven version of Long-the-MAC-guy-in-a-sport-coat is heralding the ways in which UPS can help your small business. He is drawing on a white board to further illustrate his point. And as I mentioned, the Postal Service beats in the background.

My problem with this? Well for one, that song has been used in several commercials already and the least UPS marketers could do is be original. For two, that song has been used in several commercials already and this is just one more instance of it being ruined. (It was actually the soundtrack to my wife and I getting together. We had it first, damnit! Before M&Ms and Volkswagon or UPS or whoever, and before every 16 year old girl knew who Ben Gibbard is). Thirdly, because it has been ruined already, it actually makes UPS more lame and less hip to be using it. They aren't staying true to their culture. They are the company with guys in tight brown shorts. They should stick to got brown or at least do their homework. A multi-million dollar company and this is the best they can come up with? I need a job, they should hire me to tell them what's cool. If not, I can see it already: this Spring all the guys and gals in the delivery trucks will be wearing brown cargo shorts with matching Vans.

that's disgusting

mortauthority — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 02:31:16 GMT

Well, I sort of swayed from one of my resolutions already. Ah, who am I kidding. I failed.

Today as I was taking my daily drive with Waylon I realized we hadn't eaten yet and he needed to before he took his nap. I also noticed a coupon for a free happy meal in the passenger seat. So, I innocently pulled into the drive-thru and ordered him a cheeseburger Yugio happy meal....and while I was there I threw down 4 quarters for a 6 piece chicken nugget. It's only on sale til the 29th! Weak.

Well, I reasoned, I can take the nuggets home, cut them up and stick them in the Thai Peanut Noodle recipe that is supposed to be my thursday lunch. Afterall, the recipe calls for shrimp that i don't have so this would be a good substitute, I reasoned. Weak.

So that's what I did. Then tonight when I was out for a few minutes networking, I told Winget about my transgression. He listened attentively and I soon noticed, a look of disgust. How can you eat that crap? he asked accusingly, that's disgusting!

And he's right.

painful wave coursing through your entire body

mortauthority — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 19:48:45 GMT

Well a little over a week into the new year and nothing new as of yet.

Thus far I have stuck to my exercise program and I have also yet to stray from my resolution to not consume fast food. I've also read 70 pages of the first novel in the Modern Library's 100 Greatest Novel list and so just have about 800 pages to go before I move on to novel no. 2.

I'm also still unemployed.

I had an interview today that I think went well--but then I think they all go well. We'll see. Maybe I should join the armed forces. Yeah right as if they'd have me.

A younger buddy of mine left for Marine bootcamp the other day. I went to his going away party at the local VFW Hall. It was touted as a family affair so I *almost* brought my wife and kids. I'm glad I didn't. Turns out the hall is separated from the bar by a piece of carpeting so really it would have been inappropriate to have children there.

Anyway, I'm hanging out and I see an old buddy from High School that I haven't seen in 10 years or more. He was a cousin of the kid going to bootcamp. Last I had heard he had become a career Armyman. He was looking huge: about 6'4 and full of muscle. So I go over and say hi etc and at first he can't remember my name. Says he recognizes me and after reminding him he remembers and more memories of times spent hanging out and skating come back to him. He apologizes for not remembering and tells me, Yeah, I just got back from an 18 month tour in Iraq. After the second car bomb attack I noticed that my memory started to waver, he explained.

We stood by the bar and he went on to describe the feeling of being hit by a car bomb. He said it was like a shockingly painful wave coursing through your entire body. He seemed a little dazed just explaining it. Then, suddenly, we heard a crash from the 'hall' area and saw a table being overturned and bodies thrashing about. One body we both immediately recognized as his little brother. He jumped to attention and entered the mele yelling. I quickly followed suit quietly attempting to restore order. His brother and some huge hick were rolling around the floor, people were screaming, I tried pulling people apart, somebody on the hick's side pushed me, I pulled him off the pile, and then I notice my friend from the Army's aunt trying to restrain him from pounding a terrified looking hick. I went over to assist as best as I can considering his size. I'm looking at him yelling Mike! Mike! No! and he looks at me and it was like he didn't recognize me again. Like he was in another place.

I can truly say I support the soldiers.

But can't support the trauma of war.

Updating the update of the update

mortauthority — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 21:53:32 GMT

I ended up having to decline the job opportunity I was to begin this coming Monday. It just couldn't work. So now I won't work. Birth. School. Work. Death. Remember that song from the Godfathers back in the late 80's? As dreary as the subject matter was, they could have made it more so if they would have included unemployment into the equation.

Update on the Update

mortauthority — Sat, 30 Dec 2006 17:25:53 GMT

Well I nailed the interview.

I was smooth, sauve, personable and energetic. By the time I got home there was a message on my answering machine with a job offer.

I accepted ...

But later that night, I calculated the true cost of my decision. Turns out the financial offer they made was less than I had anticipated and it further turned out that the free babysitting for Waylon I had anticipated wasn't permenant: so all those turnouts combined meant a minus $20,000 a year swing in income ($10,000 less salary, $10,000 paid out to daycare).

So I don't know what I'm going to do - I've decided I'm going to party like one should on New Years Eve and figure it all out on Wednesday!

Update

mortauthority — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 16:18:41 GMT

In about 2 hours I'll be interveiwing for a job. The timing couldn't be better as if I got it I would probably start next week, just as my money reserves are officially depleted. 'God I hope I get it, I really hope I get it...' (seinfeld reference).

I lounged.

mortauthority — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 03:25:22 GMT

The week after I gave my resignation to the vacuum sales company, I decided that I was done worrying. I needed to motivate myself through positive rather than negative means. Plus, after wasting a week of unemployment sitting in a sales training class, I realized that I needed to attempt to enjoy this time off because one way or the other, it was going to come to an end.

So I lounged.

I made sure to get some exercise in every day. Waylon and I enjoyed hanging out watching Sesame Street and talking about Christmas. Around Noon we would take a drive in the country and listen to WPR and he would nap. I spent spare moments conceiving the lounge plan.

No, not the act of lounging but an actual lounge. My goal is to open a lounge/music venue. My idea is solid but needs to be put down on paper in the form of a business so I've been working on that. I'm not actually going to own the place as I don't have any money but I am working with the potential owner. Sort of. We've spoken, he's interested and I am to produce the plan. So see, I keep having to remind myself, there's no reason to go gung-ho on a new career when the path is here in front of me. I just need to take care of business with this time I have.

That being said, I am broke and so, I finally made the move and went to a local temp agency. I showed up there in my best business clothes and as I entered I actually felt overdressed. There were some guys in sweat pants sitting around the room where we were to fill out our applications and I began to think this was a mistake - the whole, What the hell am I doing here? thought swirled around my mind. I felt like Tim Canterbury must have felt like when he went to visit the warehouse.

But whatever, the mission is what matters. I need to remind myself that constantly. The mission is what matters: I need a job that pays 'decent', that isn't complicated and that I'm not tied to because with a little luck and a lot of hard work, '07 could be my year.

(I think I said that in '05 about '06, hmmm).

Merry Christmas everyone!

mortauthority — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 02:32:51 GMT

This is the first year since I was 8 that I didn't have a job over the Christmas holiday season (when I was 9 I illegally inherited my sister's paper route and worked it til I was 16 and old enough to be a janitor). The difference that not working made for my holiday season was the lack of an office or retail environment build up to Christmas. For instance, in an office, the season starts after Thanksgiving when people begin decorating their cubes and placing out community bowls of Christmas candy or Christmas cookies. There is also talk and planning of an office party either in house or in public or both. Christmas emails pass through the network. And in the offices where there is an extremely energetic administrative assitant staff, you might even find yourself being included in a secret Santa or White Elephant gift giving game. Anyway, my point is that there is plenty of constant reminders and build up to the Christmas holiday when in a typical work environment.

And of course Christmas and retail go hand in hand. Last year when I was managing the coffeehouse, I began the constant Christmas music mix on December 1st and despite the kids complaints, I didn't let up. Decorations and special sales and products are expected and like the office examples above, they serve as a constant reminder of the holiday season.

But being unemployed the reminders were lacking - it didn't help that we had a relatively snow free season - and so, for that matter, was my Christmas spirit. There was no office party to try to find an excuse to leave from early and there were no store hour shifts to attempt to get covered so I could be home with my family. There was no excitement at the prospect of a 3 day weekend and it is now the end of the typical US workers' weekend and I don't share their collective dread of having to return to the grind tomorrow morning (the dread that is coupled with a glimmer of excitment with the realization that it will be a short week and soon enough another, wilder 3 day weekend is upon them).

Don't get me wrong, I've had a good weekend. I went to the Loomis, Alligator Gun, Compound Red reunion show and words are not enough to describe the beautiful nostalgia I encountered there while briefly catching up with an abundance of long lost friends. My family had a nice get together on Christmas Eve and the excitement this morning when the boys saw the presents that Santa placed under the tree for them makes the whole commercialization worthwhile. However, just the same, my season wasn't complete until about an hour ago when I sat down and watched the Christmas reunion episode of the British version of The Office.

That was the Christmas office party I was missing. Turntables, a DJ, loads of alcohol, dancing, smoking and smooching amongst the sea of cubicles and a disco ball hanging from a drop ceiling. I will leave you this Christmas with a gift of wisdom from a famous philosopher as retold by David Brent; there are 3 things that make a life complete: a companion to spend time with, a job you enjoy and to make a difference. Happy Holidays everyone!

thanks for the opportunity

mortauthority — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 19:39:35 GMT

But my mind wavers. I didn't feel good about the idea of quitting. Maybe it was a decision to sleep on? Maybe it was just the end of a long day that was making my decision?

When I finally got home I sat down with a six pack of Spaten and began watching the Packer - 49er game. The first sip of beer was like one of those Chicken Noodle for the Soul books only with more clear and immediate affects. I discussed my day with Shavonne and intimated my idea of quitting. Ever the supportive wife she said I should if I wanted.

I had cracked open my second Spaten and started second guessing my quitting plan and then the phone rang. It was one of my best friends from college phoning from Nottingham, England where he is a professor. It was a call that turned out to be fateful. He was curious about how this job was going as he had been somewhat shocked when I told him about it in a recent email. It didn't seem like the kind of thing I would end up doing, he reasoned. Isn't there some store or something somewhere I could manage? I told him about the day I had and by the end of the conversation my decision was solidified and any wavering was gone.

The next day I wanted to make sure to get something out of this whole experience (all the training was unpaid) so I gave my house a thorough cleaning with the vacuum from the future. Waylon and I cleaned his bedroom carpet and ceiling fan and we used the special cushion attachments on the couch cushions ... I was going to miss this machine but there was no turning back and I had to say goodbye.

That afternoon I handed in the equipment, said I was sorry but it wasn't for me, and thanked them for the opportunity.

I went home and started searching the want ads again.

This job wasn't for me

mortauthority — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 19:24:46 GMT

The grey clouds didn't relent as I pulled up at the house of an old office friend. I hadn't seen or actually talked to her since I quit that particular job about 3 years ago so it would be nice to visit her. I was greeted at the door and we said our hellos. Her, her boyfriend and I proceeded to the basement which was the only room in the house with carpet. I asked that they please put on the dvd that was part of my presentation. She turned on the dvd player to and the disc currently in the machine cue'd up. Her boyfriend was quietly shouting at her to turn it off quick! The picuture wasn't coming thru but the sound was loud and clear; moans and groans. It was porn! She quickly removed the disk and with embarrassed laughter hid the disk away and I began showing them the air purifier and space vac.

They found the equipment interesting but soon the 3.15pm kick off of the Packers v. 49er game and I lost the interest of the boyfriend. I knew she was in no position to buy and I was feeling completely drained and wanted to get home so I wrapped up early, said goodbye and stepped out into the last moments of daylight.

The sun descended as I drove north and I was mentally and physically exhausted. I hadn't eaten anything except that mcfood and I had spent my final hours in a situation where I new from the outset I wasn't going to sell anything. I put on The Casket Lottery's Moving Mountains cd and realized that I was going to quit; this job wasn't for me.

I stepped out of character

mortauthority — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 16:22:42 GMT

The sun was bright that Sunday morning. I showered, shaved and put on my selling suit and headed to Milwaukee's Eastside to show the vacuum of the future to my dear old friends Joe and Ani. We had an 8.30am appointment. I left with plenty of time, believing that my 7 years living in Milwaukee in the 90's was enough for me to remember where Newhall street was. As I cruised down Locust toward the lake I soon found I couldn't find it. I saw a couple out walking their dog asked for assistance. The one guy wasn't sure and his partner thought that if I drove the lake I would eventually cross it. I tried that and then like a flash it hit me - I remember Newhall, that kid Josh used to live their, it's on the west side of Oakland.

I arrived about 15min late and was greeted with coffee and smiles from Joe and Ani. This time we were about to share was as much about friendship as it was about business. They sat thru the presentation and enjoyed previewing the robotic space vac but like most of my friends, were in no position to purchase one. Having arrived late, and still not being completely proficient with the presentation, I was about to cut my next appointment with J and C in Shorewood close. I bid farewell and rushed out the door.

As I arrived in Shorewood the bright warming morning sun was being overtaken by grey. I proceeded to show Jeremy and Cory the vacuum in spite of the fact that they didn't have carpet. I was running out of steam. I had been at it for about 5 hours now. They sat through the demonstration and we compared and contrasted the way David Oreck did his on tv. It was nearing 1.30pm and they had visitors arriving shortly so I wrapped it up and rushed out so I could grab a morsel of food before my 2pm appointment on 17th street. In a rush I stepped out of character and stopped at MacDonalds for one of those 'snack wraps' - I guess their 'Holiday Hand Warmer' ad campaign got to me. A young African-American boy was standing behind the drive thru menu quietly asking for spare change. I gave him a dollar, got my snack wrap and wolfed it down, not tasting its delicate spices, as I drove west.