The 40 Days and 40 Nights of 40: Day 4 

Here's something from the "nights."  In fact, last night

Single and 40.  Now, there's nothing wrong with being single.  I enjoy it.  You have complete autonomy, but that's not always the way other peole feel. 

I have friends who have never been married or coupled, friends who have already seen the harsh reality of divorce by 40 or, even worse, lived through the death of a spouse.  Then what?  Forty and single-dom is not a "dead end."

Last night over a few beers, a buddy who's going through a divorce said he couldn't even imagine dating again after 10 years of marriage.  And, he said he's not even sure he wants to.  He told me this is the first time in his life he had ever lived on his own.  From his parents home, to college, to roommates and then to marriage.  His "now" is giving him a great new opportunity: time (and space) for himself.

It seems to me that it's right around 40 when many of us get the maturity or perspective to live "alone," not lonely, but without a partner.  It can be scary.  And, it can be the best time to take time to get to know who you are - just you. 

I have two friends I've met while bartending who swing from mate to mate because, if they were honest, they're afraid to be alone.  One, a woman, who won't break up with a guy who's awful to her until another is lined up, and another guy who keeps going back to a girlfriend he doesn't love because it's safe.  These are exactly the situations where you need to take some alone time to figure out who you are and what you want (and I've told both of them to no avail).  Not to mention, people often "date" without becoming a couple immediately.  I suggest trying it. (No one dates anymore!)

Don't be afraid of time.  Don't be afraid of being alone.  Don't be afraid of 40. 

Do be good to yourself.  Do get to know yourself.  Do take time for yourself.

If you are not good to yourself, no one else is going to be either.

Tomorrow... well, we'll just see what today brings me!  Until then.