This was dinner tonight, folks! I had my parents over (which hasn’t happened in a million moons) & cooked them up some YUM.

The nom-nom-nom’s were:

Rib-eye Steak

• Made super delish with a rub of 1 part seasoned salt & 3 parts lemon pepper seasoned salt. Trust me….too freaking yummy for anyone’s own good. 
• Grilled on a grill pan for a million minutes….really…the recipe (which ALL the recipes came from Pioneer Woman’s site -- thepioneerwoman.com)…LOVE her!!!) said to fry it in a pan for about 2 minutes a side. Mine was more like 5 minutes a side. But whateves…it turned out perfectly delightful. 

Oven Roasted Asparagus

• Easy freaking peasy! Just throw your (prepared….meaning cut the effing ends off) asparagus into a roasting pan (or cookie sheet or whatever), drizzle some olive oil over ‘em (& don’t be shy w/it), then lots of freshly ground pepper & salt. 
• Toss it into a 425 degree oven for 10ish minutes (mine ran long….ooops!) & you got some oooooh’s & awwwww’s at your dinner table. :) 

Homemade Onion Strings

• Okay…let’s be honest…these effers were the scary part. Frying things in hot oil? Yeah…not child’s play. But it was actually fool-proof & really, embarrassingly easy. (& totally impressive…you’ll knock the socks off your guy/gal/boss/friend/crush/neighbor/crossing guard with this…it’s like magic!) 
• Just cut your onions (I used the yellow ones) really, really thin (but let’s be honest…that’s flippin’ hard & totally ups the bidding on the chances of lopping off a knuckle …so just do your best…they’ll be yummy thickish or thinnish). 
• Break apart your onions & then chuck ‘em into a bowl. Cover them totally with buttermilk. Trust me. Buttermilk is your friend. It’s nutritious & delicious. (& really, you can make it yourself with regular milk & vinegar…but screw that as you can buy it…already made. Modern technology rocks!) 
• Then make yourself a flour mixture of about 2 cups flour—normal flour….not that hippie whole wheat stuff!!!! (I don’t measure…& it was fine…about 2 fists worth….that’ll do ya) & a few shakes of cayenne pepper & a few pinches of salt & a bunch of black pepper. You know what you like so throw it all in as you see fit. The cayenne gives it an awesome kick…just don’t over do it…kay? Unless you hate your guests…then pour it in. :) 
• You can let your onions soak in the buttermilk pool for about an hour…or however long you can take it. You know these effers are going to ROCK your tastebuds…I know…it’s hard to wait. However, now is the time to find a very deep pot & dump a liter of canola oil into it. 
• Turn the burner on HIGH & wait………and wait…….and wait………..until you think it’s hella hot. I tested mine by throwing a little pinch of the flour mixture in….when it sizzled that shiz up, I knew it was ready for the onions. 
• Now, take your onions (with tongs, if you got ‘em….or chop sticks…or whatever your Tim the Toolman Taylor mind can jimmy up) & dredge a few buttermilked onions through the flour yumminess (make sure they’re covered good!) & then plop them (CAREFULLY!!!!) into the HOT oil. You can pack a bunch of onions in there so get to it. 
• Once they’re brown (it’ll take a few minutes…just keep an eye on ‘em) take them out & put them on a plate that has a paper towel on it (these oily effers gotta drain). 
• Keep this up until all your onions are fried & delish. Oh, and whatever you do….DO NOT sneak a taste until you are totally done…………..ah-ah-hahahahahahahhahahahahahhaha! Just kidding. Waterboarding? That’s nothing compared to denying yourself this yumminess! Dig in! You will probably die & go to foodie heaven….but whateves. It’s worth it!!!! 

Ok….there you go. For those of you that have girlfriends & boyfriends & wives & husbands….make this. You will most certainly get lots of lovin’ afterwards. And if you don’t…..seriously……DUMP THEM. I’m not kidding here. This meal is LOVE. L-O-V-E. Make it for your crush. They’ll propose. Make if for your boss. They’ll promote you. Make it for your teacher/professor. They’ll either give you an A+ or try to sleep with you. What? Yup! WIN-WIN. That’s what this meal is. WIN effing WIN.

So….you’re welcome. :) Go forth & be foodie & if this meal results in a conception of any kind of human….the name is S-A-R-A…..no ‘H’. :) I expect an invitation to the baptism. Kay. My work is done.