You seemed pretty nice when you walked into the store.  Cute haircut, nice work casual outfit, a warm smile when I greeted you.  I let you know about the new merchandise that we got in the day before, and about the sale items that we had just put onto the discount rack.  I let you get to your shopping as I finished checking in some inventory.

And that's when you approaced the counter, saying you hadn't quite found what you were looking for that day.... and I said to you "You have a hanger sticking out of your purse."

Sure enough, it was one of our black women's hangers, just poking out of your brown leather hobo bag.  I looked you in the eye, I'm sure an interesting expression on my face, hopefully one that expressed "you are SO busted."  You nervously said, "Oh, I always carry a hanger with me... because I am always on the road, and I like to hang things up."

Then I decided it was time to mess with you.  "Well, what were you looking for?  Did you have something that you were trying to coordinate with?  Do you have it with you, MAYBE SHOVED INTO YOUR PURSE?"  I brought you to the back of the store to show you some shirts, waiting for you to ditch the printed dress that you had shoved into your bag, which you did, right in the middle of another rack.  You were right there as I found it... carelessly shoved into some t-shirts. I made sure that you left the store, and then I called the police.

Just so that you know, you rude shoplifter, this is a very small city, and I have your picture (thank you to our digital ADT security system), and I have forwarded it to many other retailers on Brady Street.  We have also forwarded this picture, along with a description, to the Milwaukee Police department. 

But, what I think that you should be nervous about, is that Milwaukee is a city condusive to running into people in the most random of places.  I am sure that we will meet again, and when we do, I will call you out on your crime.  I don't care if you are with your folks, with your preist, or with your future "husband to be".  You are a crook, no matter how decieving your cute little manner may be.  Shame on you.