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Milwaukee's Daily Magazine for Saturday, Sept. 20, 2014

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Taste great. Less glugging.
Taste great. Less glugging.

Thoughts on new Miller Lite "punch top" can

Miller Lite introduced a new "punch top can" that claims it will increase airflow to your drink and reduce burp-inducing "glug." That may or may not be true, but it will make shotgunning much easier for all the chug-a-luggers out there.

On Friday, MillerCoors sent a few of these newfangled cans over, so I decided to give one a stab, quite literally, while sitting at my desk today.

The top of the can has a second, smaller indenture that you have to puncture with a key or another pointy item (a fingernail will not work, mind you). The additional hole creates the extra airflow and, in theory, generates a "smoother pour." However, something tells me this bevvy was not brewed for pouring into a glass. Rather, it was made for pouring into your frat brother's mouth on the eve of his 21st birthday.

All snark aside, the extra puncture really does work. It truly makes the beer flow out more quickly and smoothly.

However, why exactly is this something I should want to do? These days, and actually for about a decade or two now, knocking back a beer as fast as I can is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve when imbibing. My inner conversations usually go something like, "Whoa, slow down, sister. You have to work tomorrow."

Also, I found the punch tab more difficult to puncture than I expected. My coworker Jim Owczarski said that's because I was missing the increased adrenaline that only comes from the party hardy mentality when you're sitting in a basement full of buddies. Perhaps he's right and my midday-Monday demeanor while listening to the sensitive stylings of Death Cab For Cutie didn't get me amped up enough to swiftly spear a beer into shotgun readiness.

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