"Northfolk" starts off like a moody film painted in bleak greys and blues; one that promises to tell the story of the people of Northfork, Montana, who were forced to leave their homes to make way for the man-made lake that would result from the construction of a dam in 1955. And it looks like it's going to be good.

Instead, director Michael Polish who co-wrote "Northfork" with his brother Mark ("Twin Falls Idaho," "Jackpot"), suddenly gets the urge to play the poor man's David Lynch and at that point, his grey film becomes a multi-hued mess of hackneyed surrealism and lame -- often predictable -- one-liners that sound like they were written by a marketing committee.

"Northfork" follows a group of agents who are entrusted with evacuating the remaining inhabitants in Northfork before the flood comes. At the same time, a sick boy is returned to the orphanage by his foster parents and during his feverish nights he dreams a cast of characters straight out of "Alice in Wonderland." But there's been talk that angels once walked these Montana landscapes and can it be that those tales were true and the boy isn't only dreaming?

Reviewers are tossing around the words "visionary" and "imaginative," robbing the adjectives of their power. If a 1950s character uttering the line "what are you talking about Willis" or another explaining that there are two kinds of Americans, one that likes Chevys and one that prefers Fords, are examples of visionary, imaginative filmmaking, then that explains a lot about Hollywood, doesn't it?

The fact that "Northfork" willfully and pointlessly obtuse seems to make the critics foam at the mouth as they shout "art" and point at the film's Mad Hatter, here called Cup of Tea. Never have so many critics been duped, or perhaps had their slavish devotion to the industry exposed.

The film is star-studded, no doubt: Nick Nolte, who is hardly believable as a priest, Darryl Hannah is one of the crew of dream freaks, Kyle MacLachlan is as stone-faced as ever in his two-minute scene, James Woods is the one blessed with the "Willis" one-liner.

Although beautifully photographed, "Northfork" is little more than half an idea expanded to nearly two pretentious and ponderous hours. Swim for your life!

"Northfork" opens Fri., Aug. 8 at Landmark's Oriental Theatre.