Recently as I was on the way to my morning ritual, if you will, my wife said "I have a question for you when you get off the toilet."

"Off the toilet?" What's up with that? Seriously, "off the toilet?'

This prompted a longer than I should admit conversation with myself on what one should say when one has to go?

I'll attempt to crystallize in this short brief, and expect that you will talk back with your own thoughts on phrases worthy of one's quests to find the loo. Let's talk, though. What's your standard phrase when nature calls?

Think about it? Does it depend on where you are? If you are at restaurant, like Bacchus or Osteria, do you ask for the "restrooms," "bathrooms," or "men's or ladies' rooms?" Does anyone still use "lavatory?" But, if you're at Miller Park or your favorite bar maybe you just say, "Dude, where's the closest pisser?" Who knows?

I do know that if you're at the in-laws, "gotta hang a hose," probably doesn't work. But, "excuse me, where's the bathroom" does?

"Hit the head," "powder my nose," "see a man about a horse," "take a leak," these phrases are all well known and there are plenty more from where they came. But, which one do you default to when you gotta go? And, does it vary depending on place, time and, well -- need?

Personally, I'm usually a "where's the restroom?" guy. Never, though, a "toilet" man. That word is just creepy.

Now, excuse me, I gotta pee.