Well, after a number of weeks of heavy topics I figured it was time for something a little lighter, sexier and a little more fun.

Romance.

Yes I said it... the "R" word.

That little word that encompasses the simplest or the grandest gestures, with the burden almost always placed on men. Whether it be a single red rose or a trip to Italy, romance is an art and, I'm afraid to say, a fading one at that. You don't have to master it, by any means but keeping it alive is a necessity.

When it comes to courtship, we tend to be on our best behavior during a first, second and third date. As the weeks turn into months, though, the level of romance balances the level of comfort. And while that comfort level tells a lot about the lasting power of your relationship, romantic gestures may become more rare. It's understandable to some degree, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. When we stop making an effort to romance and entice, there is no balance and what was comfortable is now just lazy and stagnant.

Guys, I know you feel like you've done the heavy lifting, you've paid for meals, movies, gifts and so on; you've been polite and attentive; now, she's here and she's yours and you're perfectly happy sitting in your 10- year-old sweat pants watching football while she makes you bacon and eggs.

To be honest, that's great. That's comfort. Roll with it. Enjoy it. But do not take it for granted. Now and again, let her know just how much you appreciate her. You have no idea just how much this can mean to someone who may feel like she's become your maid. The assumption usually is that if a guy attempts romance, he's in the mood for a piece of ass. Well fine. Don't wait until halftime, come into the kitchen and make us feel wanted. Bacon and eggs with a side of morning sex against the kitchen cabinets... yes, please.

This may be one of the best responses I got when I asked guys about romance; "I don't throw my jacket over puddles. I always pay, that's my romance."

Though it is nice to have someone pay for everything, that's not romance; not even close. In its best form, romance should be free of charge. Do I like sparkly things, trips to faraway places and expensive wine? Of course I do. But I also like making out on the couch, spending the whole day in bed together or skipping a night out at a crowded bar to sit close in an empty restaurant until they kick us out. Despite what Hallmark may have told you, real romance doesn't have to come with a price tag.

Here's another gem. "Women need it. Men don't. It is a woman's world, so you've got to make 'em happy. Yes, sometimes I think about it only to be sure my wife feels wanted."

In its own way, this is a genuine attempt at a sweet sentiment, but romance shouldn't be one-sided. Just as the acts need to be evenly distributed, so should the feeling. If you get no pleasure out of making the other person feel happy, then you, my friend, missed the whole point. I'm a material girl and I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I want the feeling more than I want the things and I don't want to feel like he's doing this just because he thinks it's what I want. A bracelet makes me giddy, but an unexpected kiss makes me melt.

Women like getting to that point where we feel like we can wake up next to you without running for the bathroom to put on make up and brush away our morning breath. We like wearing your oversized sweatshirts and still have you lust after us. We like getting to be ourselves around you, but its also nice to be surprised once in a while. Even the little things keep us guessing, make us feel special and remind us of the days when we first started dating. The butterflies in the stomach feeling. The perma grin. We like this kind of stuff, we don't need it every day but that feeling reminds us why we agreed to go out with you in the first place.

Women, guys aren't that different. They may not need the gifts or the material things, but the simple stuff can go a long way. Know how much you love it when he says you look great, notices your new haircut or thanks you for something you did? Guys like to hear that stuff, too. It goes a long way when you realize that all your efforts aren't going unnoticed, but you shouldn't expect those things if you cannot reciprocate. If he's looking good, tell him so. It doesn't have to be cheesy or even sexual, just say it so he knows you think it.

Overdone romance or over-planned romance is for prom night and tween movies. Few things are as romantic or sexy as a totally spontaneous situation. Here are the most refreshing and probably honest responses I received:

"Seriously-romantic situations (are ones) you have to find yourself in. You can't plan them. I can't say the weather report says rain, so I'll plan to meet her in the park and make out. It just has to happen. Seize moments that come to you." 


"A planned Valentine's dinner for two at a restaurant couldn't be less romantic, but walking past a restaurant when you're doing something else and jumping in and saying lets share a great bottle of wine is."

I have to agree. Valentine's Day is great... when you're 10 and you get a valentine from all thirty kids in your class. It's far less awesome when you're twenty-six, single and the only valentine you get is from your mother.

Even if you are in a relationship, there is this huge level of anticipation and expectation about what will happen. Rarely does it live up to your vision. In this case, I cannot help but feel bad for men. Maybe next year you should skip the traditional and predictable V-day plan and surprise the hell out of her with something totally off the cuff. You've still got a while to think about it -- even if you don't plan it -- and yes, there is a difference.

Whether you're just starting something new or are years into a relationship, romance is interconnected with many of the other aspects in a relationship: passion, sex, love, spontaneity, desire and longevity. Even when we feel like we know someone still wants us and thinks about us, it's always nice to hear and feel. It's the assurance that we're on their mind. Romance happens, you don't need to plan it or pay for it, but don't ignore it. When the moment strikes, take full advantage. Big or small, it could be great and it shouldn't be about one or the other, but both of you.