The "L" word. Not sure if it was Sweetest Day, but something got me thinking about love recently.

Some say it when they're drunk, some say it when they know the other person can't hear them and some seem to say it for no better reason than not knowing what else to say. I'm guilty of two out of the three.

We all know people that throw around the word "love" as if they were saying "Thank you," or "Good morning." It's like when someone apologizes too often and too quickly and you can tell they don't even know what those words mean anymore. I cannot stand those people, mainly because they remind me of myself when I was in high school. But, I'm not talking about young love. That's a category all its own. I mean love when you're old enough to know what it means and wise enough to know better than to believe it every time you hear it. I know you're thinking, "She's a cynic," but I like to think of myself as a realist; a been-there, done-that, heard-it-all-before person who says what she means and expects the same in return.

I don't like to think that someone would tell me they love me unless they truly mean it. Sure, it's just a word, like any other word in the English language, but like "hate," it can be used in so many ways and on so many levels. Love as defined by Webster's has quite a few meanings and can be used toward many things from objects to people to places. "I love shoes. I love the ocean. I love dogs." Sure, I love all those things, but not the way I love my family and I don't love my family the way I might love someone else.

To a lot of people, myself included, saying "I love you" to someone you are indeed in love with is a big deal and ideally you should know that you feel it long before you speak it. For those who may be a little confused, sex does not equal love. That feeling isn't the one I was referring to. You can love someone you don't have sex with and you can have sex with someone you don't love. They are not interchangeable words. They mean two entirely different things. Trying to force yourself to believe otherwise is immature and dangerous -- take it from someone who knows.

What is more confusing is whether you can have love without trust. I trust some people that I wouldn't necessarily say I love, but I don't know that I can say the reverse. We often hurt those we love, which seems awful but in reality that makes perfect sense. If someone isn't all that invested emotionally in a relationship -- whether it be friendship or more, then being betrayed isn't that hurtful. Only when we truly love and trust someone does it cut to the bone when they hurt us. We hurt the ones we love, because they are the only ones that care enough to be hurt in the first place.

It isn't easy to say those three little words -- even when you are truly invested and involved in a relationship -- because the fear is you won't hear them in return. (Which is just another good reason to be damn sure you know it to be true before blurting it out). Even when we believe the other person feels it, too, there is a petrifying fear that you'll get a "thanks," or worse, in return for spilling your heart out.

Don't kid yourself: love at first sight isn't love, it's lust. You only love someone the first time you see them because you are attracted to the way they look, not who they are. Maybe that's not romantic, but I think it's more realistic than believing you fell in love with someone the minute you saw them. The only time love at first sight exists is when you see your child for the first time ... and on that I can only speculate.

Have I draped a black cloud over this otherwise romantic topic? Have I wiped the giddy smile off your face? It wasn't my intent to do so. I believe in love, even after a lot of situations that should make me feel otherwise. I just don't believe in faking it. Lie about your age, your weight, your income -- but don't lie about love.

Love the word is just four letters put in a row. Love the feeling is something you cannot understand, no matter how often you say it, until you actually feel it.