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Where are the dads?
 
By Bobby Tanzilo RSS Feed Twitter Feed
Managing Editor

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More articles by Bobby Tanzilo

What is a blog?  For us it is a short blurb that we write when the mood strikes us.  It can be first person, funny or informative. In short, a blog is whatever we want it to be. Published June 15, 2007 at 11:25 a.m.
Tags: parenting, dad, mom, children, kids, zoo, father's day

I got a zoo membership for Father's Day this year and while normally that would seem an odd gift for someone who rarely gets to the zoo, becoming a dad has upped my zoo attendance more than a little -- this morning's visit was our second of the season already, just me and my little one -- and so it feels to me like the perfect present.

And the place was packed. But since it's nearly Father's Day, I figured it's time to ask ... where are the dads? I see a fair amount of dads with their families most places I go, but I have also noticed that although I also see lots of moms and grandmas with children at the zoo, at restaurants, at the mall, I almost never see dads alone with young children (and I exclude the dads who, tragically, look like they're being punished). I see dads with older kids, but what's the matter? Are we afraid to change the nappies or something?

I'd like to think that by 2007 these myths were just that: old stereotypes that die hard. Of course, I've done no real scientific studies here, I'm just relying on what I've noticed.

I can't help but wonder if the media plays a part in all this. Have you ever looked at parenting magazines in the bookstore or at the supermarket? If they don't come right out and put mom in the name of the magazine, it's usually in the little slogan that sits below the title on the front cover and the articles inside -- other than the boilerplate "dad's corner" or some such -- are all written for moms and/or by moms.

I don't feel like I'm anything special or out of the ordinary, but keeping my eyes out for another dad alone with a toddler today over the course of two hours at the zoo turned up not a single example. I know loads of dads that ache at leaving their kids to go off to work and can't wait to get home to see them at the end of the day. And they change as many diapers, cook as much mac 'n' jack, etc. as mom does. So what's going on?

Dads, if you're not already doing it, take a day off now and again and take your 2-year-old to the zoo and show her the cows and the penguins and the red pandas and take a ride on the train with her sitting at your side, your arm resting across her shoulder. She'll love you for it forever, you'll be glad you did it and you'll help bust the stereotypes at the same time.

And I urge all the dads (and moms!) out there to use the talkback feature below to tell me I'm wrong as can be. Nothing, frankly, would make me happier.



More Information ...
Milwaukee County Zoo
10001 W. Bluemound Rd.
Milwaukee, WI 53226
(414) 771-5500
http://www.milwaukeezoo.org/events/alacarte/

3 comments about this article.
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Recent Talkbacks ...

Posted by Kristin on June 17, 2007 at 3:52 p.m. (report)

My husband was a stay at home dad for three years and continually had to answer the question "Are you layed off?". People didn't get that we had made a decision for one of us to stay home. It worked out best for him. I look at the relationship my husband has with my son and I am sometime jealous (in a happy way). The only thing I could do without is my son's love of Rush which would not have happened if he stayed home with me:)

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Posted by lawgirl on June 16, 2007 at 9:39 p.m. (report)

I think your comment about the media promoting women as the main people involved with kids is SO true--- example #1: what is the big site around town that is all about what's going on with kids? MilwaukeeMOMS.com Totally unfair to the single dads around here- I wish they had an easier way to connect with other dads.

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Posted by M. on June 15, 2007 at 12:57 p.m. (report)

Although you are more likely to see dads out alone with their young kids than in the recent past, it is still pretty uncommon, especially during the workday. New fathers are much likely to have full-time day jobs than new mothers. In fact, men's work hours tend to go up after a birth rather than down, often in an effort to offset the loss in wages incurred by moms staying home. The demographics of the zoo on a Friday morning that you witnessed are a direct result of the gender-based structure of our society. Very little of it has to do with men not wanting to hang out with their kids. Although for those dads that rarely do it, it will certainly feel ackward. As for the value of dad's spending time alone with their children, it is immeasurable (well, I'm sure it is measurable, at least in part, but I don't have that data!). It is an entirely different dynamic to be alone with your child than to be part of a trio (or more). As you suggested, it might take concerted effort to work against the cultural forces that say a man's place is in the office. Playing hooky with your toddler would definitely be a step in the right direction.

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