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| By Molly Snyder Edler OnMilwaukee.com Staff Writer Photography by Renee Bebeau E-mail author | Author bio More articles by Molly Snyder Edler |
| Published June 5, 2006 at 5:22 a.m. |
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My sons and I attend a playgroup two mornings a week, and some days either one or both of them say they don't want to go because they are too engrossed in their wooden Thomas track or are just experimenting with being contrary. Once in a while I give in and stay at home, but usually I coerce them into going because, truth be told, mommy needs the social interaction more than the kids do.
I have met some cool parents through playgroups, both like-minded people and polar opposites. No matter what, we always have kid-related topics to fall back on if we find ourselves struggling for adult conversation or if we suddenly realize we, as people, are as different as a dish and a spoon.
Meanwhile, even though many of us parents are soaking up the adult socialization we so desperately need, our kids aren't always getting along. This makes for an interesting -- and sometimes dicey -- dynamic.
Everyone has a slightly different parenting style, and the way a parent manages -- or doesn't manage -- a situation between two feuding kids is vastly different. That said, is there a general list of unwritten rules all parents should follow at playgroups? For instance, if your toddler bonks another toddler over the head, is it a given that he or she apologize? Should you also apologize to the parent?
Lynnea Wasick has twin 2 1/2-year-old sons and attends a playgroup every week. She feels the responsibility to apologize is always necessary to keep the playgroup environment pleasant. "It is always appropriate to apologize regardless of the degree of the act," she says.
But a friend said she doesn't think her child should be forced to mechanically bleep a "thank you" every time a grown up does something for him. So what about saying "sorry?" If a child doesn't feel remorse, should he be coaxed into saying it, or is there a better way to teach empathy?
Another "playgroup etiquette" question revolves around the right to gently reprimand another person's child. Should you check with the parent first, and ask if it's okay to say something, even though the moment will be lost by the time you get back to the situation? Or, is it never your right or responsibility to address the behavior of another kid, even if he or she is acting aggressively?
I once stopped a small child from clubbing my kid over the head with a block by gently stopping his swing and saying, "No, no, Charlie. We don't hit." The mother shot me a cold look and said, "We try not to use the word 'no' with him," then picked up Charlie (not his real name) and walked away.
The funny thing is, I confess to attending playgroups for my own socialization -- as well as my children's -- but in the end, I learn as much about conflict resolution as they do. And sometimes it seems they have it down better than I do.
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