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  • jontilton:
    @melpmoore Or maybe they're just accurate because of some strange placebo effect... you just *think* you like The Truman Show...

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    @HarrisJosh now the Q is...is Celebration like that because of Truman Show, or is the Truman Show based off of Celebration? ;)

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In Kids & Family Commentary
Motherfest: "How do we know our life is real?"
Is it live or is it only a recording? Jim Carrey struggles with this in the 1998 film, "The Truman Show."  
By Molly Snyder Edler RSS Feed Twitter Feed
OnMilwaukee.com Staff Writer

E-mail author | Author bio
More articles by Molly Snyder Edler

Published March 2, 2009 at 5:39 a.m.
Tags: motherfest, parenting, "the truman show"

Last weekend, my 6-year-old son and I drove out to see "Coraline" in 3-D in New Berlin. During the 25-minute drive to the cinema, we had our most intense conversation to date. It went like this:

Kai: Mom, I have wanted to tell you something for a long time.
Me: Really? OK. What is it?
Kai: I feel like I'm in a video, or on TV, and people are watching me.
Me: Your life is real, Kai. You know this is real life right?
Kai: How do I know it's real?

Whoa. And I thought the "how does the baby get in the tummy" question was whopper. This question is the equivalent of asking the meaning of life is, or if a tree makes a sound when it falls in the forest and no one is around to witness it. It's a classic philosophical query, but one I wished my 6-year-old didn't have to burden himself with.

Personally, I'm an "anything is possible" kind of gal, so a part of me wanted to say, "Gee, Kai, we don't REALLY know for sure if life is real, but we accept that it is so we don't drive ourselves insane."

But, in my opinion, that's not so age-appropriate for a first grader. I can get heavy on him in a few years. For now, I just want him to feel safe, so I say, "Your life is real. There aren't any cameras around us, right?"

"Maybe they're camouflaged," he said, not worried or freaked out, just matter-of-factly.

I think the concept of being watched or feeling like you're on TV, is a common experience. I vaguely remember feeling something similar in my childhood.

Later, I thought about the movie "The Truman Show," in which Jim Carrey plays a man who has starred in a reality television show for his entire life but doesn't know it. This is the flipside of my son's feeling.

I'm no psychologist, but I wonder if he had this feeling because he already feels detached or, arguably worse, already wants to be a television star. I see a little of both in him, particularly the latter. Once, a pre-school aid told me, "There's something about him that reminds me of P. Diddy."

"Whaaat?" I asked, a little weirded-out.

"He's got a quality. He's gonna be famous, like P. Diddy," she said.

The popularity of online social networking sites -- I call it "The Facebook Phenomenon" -- suggests that, on some level, most of us want to be noticed and heard. We want others to keep tabs on us, and maybe even to "watch" us as a form of entertainment.

But even if this feeling is a common one, being a mother, I have to drum up a little guilt and self-blame for the conversation I had last Sunday with Kai. I wonder if I had stuck to my water guns and never let my son watch television, would he still have this feeling? My gut says probably not, but who knows. Anything, after all, is possible.



More Information ...
"Motherfest" is an monthly column about parenting in Milwaukee.

4 comments about this article.
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Posted by Hillwilliam on March 2, 2009 at 10:43 p.m. (report)

It's lunch time......I'll be back behind the camera in 20.

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Posted by NoExpertsNeeded on March 2, 2009 at 8:22 p.m. (report)

Admittedly, I'm on the outside looking in. As I do not have kids, I will never have that 'should I freak out' conversation with an adorable munchkin who shares my DNA. But, I was intrigued by your post, so allow me to offer my two cents... If your child is voicing such wonderful questions, then you should high-five yourself for creating a loving, safe environment...Encourage more questions! Maybe your answer lies in the part of the quote you posted: "...Most of us want to be noticed and heard..." What if your child was simply asking: "Mom, do you see me? Are you listening to me?" ...a test of sorts...Seems like you passed! Even us "adult children" have feelings of detachment when we think that a loved one is not paying attention to us. So I can only imagine (literally) what goes through a child's mind when (s)he is confused by such complex feelings. My hat's off to you for having one of the toughest jobs in life. Sounds like you're doing a great job! take care, Louise Lewis, author No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You! FREE (no strings) book download: www.noexpertsneeded.com Simply my way of 'giving back'...

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Posted by PacoMunsin on March 2, 2009 at 12:47 p.m. (report)

Bummer..I hope he gets the help he needs. Good luck!

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Posted by J&CC'sMom on March 2, 2009 at 11:28 a.m. (report)

Thank goodness I'm not the only Mom that's had this conversation! Ours was more parallel universe based but the same, very heavy. Made me think...

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