Tired of old, mundane and repetitive Christmas specials? Here's one that you won't see on the networks this holiday season.

"Rudolph the Pissed-Off Reindeer" opens a three-weekend run Friday night at the Alchemist Theatre, 2569 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.

Veteran actor and comedian Patrick Schmitz wrote and directs the play -- his first full-length work -- which he says combines elements from the classic Christmas special with the suspense and drama of "The Usual Suspects" with a touch of "Dragnet."

In his take on the story, somebody is smuggling illegal toys covered in lead-based paint to the Island of Misfit Toys. The tale also covers what Schmitz feels were a lot of "loopholes" in the original story, including Yukon's origins, Hermey's orientation and just how Sam knows the story if he wasn't there in the first place.

"It's a bit of a good-cop / bad-cop, murder mystery show," Schmitz says. "We find out who's been doing what."

He got the idea for the show after being subjected to yearly viewings of the well-known holiday special.

"There's just so much hidden humor in the original Rudolph special," Schmitz says. "I thought it was baffling how rude and cruel the characters were to poor little Rudolph."

Tickets are available online, through the Alchemist Theatre Web site. The show is recommended for ages 16 and up.

"There's no naughty words," Schmitz says. "But we do deal with some adult situations like alcohol and death."