In a bold and daring move, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. Unpon hearing the news, 97 percent of the Earth's population simultaneously screamed, "Who cares?"

Well, my friends, we all should care as this runs much deeper than a simple astrological modification.

For you see, it's not so much the demotion of Pluto that is disturbing, but rather the politically-incorrect classification it has been given. According to the IAU, Pluto is to be known as a "dwarf" planet. Personally, I find that title outrageously insensitive and offensive. That being said, I refuse to use that derogatory term and, from this point forward, shall only refer to Pluto as a "little" planet.

Sure, other planets may orbit around the sun more quickly than Pluto's 298-year cycle. Sure. Pluto's orbit may be more oblong, but does that mean Pluto should be denied the right to be treated with dignity? We must ask ourselves, "Of all the forward strides that Pluto has made since its recognition as a planet in 1930, is it OK to now take those rights away and treat it as a second class entity within our solar system?" And furthermore, how does one lose planetary status?

From what I understand, somewhere in Czechoslovakia, members of the International Astronomical Union holed themselves up in a banquet hall of a Radisson Hotel and, between scheduled breaks to go to the hallway for mini bottles of Coca-Cola products and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, they discussed the status of Pluto. And I am sure that at some point in the early stages of the meeting one astronomer looked down at the agenda and said to his counterpart, "I think I am going to skip the first breakout session on 'Beyond the Hubble' but I'll be back for the Pluto thing. See you in a bit, I have to check voice mail."

Rest assured, Pluto's planetary status was no ordinary agenda item. According to CNN, the issue "triggered days of somewhat combative debate." Not hours mind you, but days. One can almost picture the discussions extending beyond the afternoon general session and into the hotel lounge, where after washing down plates of chicken wings and jalapeno poppers with several Grey Goose and tonic's, one anti-Plutite shouts, "Pluto doesn't have the sufficient mass for self-gravity and is responsible for all the volcanic activity on earth!"

Meanwhile, two obviously drunk and separately married astronomers dance sexily as the band finishes "Brick House" and then move closer as the first notes of "The Rose" break the awkward between song silence. But, I digress.

Alas, despite the lobbying and negotiating, the decision to demote Pluto has been made and we must move on. It is time for us to unify as a nation, as a world, as a people and face our eight planet future with strength and determination. The impulsive action of the IAU has shown all of us that the world is not a pretty place. In retrospect, it appears that Pluto never had a fighting chance. Just like the icy orb UB313, it was doomed from the start. But we must ask ourselves, "Where does it stop?" Does it stop at Pluto or is Neptune next? Maybe Uranus? Are Venus and Mars the only ones worthy of planetary status because they are closest to us? And has this decision opened a celestial Pandora's box? The answers to these and countless other questions may never be known.

You know, Pluto was doing just fine until the IAU came along and forced its beliefs upon it, thus leaving it in shambles and struggling to find an identity. And for what? For the ego gratification of a few select people who believe they have the power to change the universe. Chilling thought, isn't it?

Let's hope this is the end of the madness and not an indication of things to come.

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