You've most likely read the OnMilwaukee.com 100 Things To Do in Milwaukee as well as our 100 More things to do in Milwaukee.

We've put a new twist on the list. Here's our witty, somewhat sassy, laugh at ourselves list of 100 Things NOT to do in Milwaukee. Please enjoy them, and please don't take them too seriously -- we like to have fun around here. Use the talkback button to list any that we may have forgotten.

1. Order a Coors Light
   
2. Ride a Kawasaki
3. Sass the pepperoni/cannoli guy
4. Ring the buzzer at the Great Northern train bar
5. Take a custard order from Deputy Police Chief Monica Ray
6. Speed on Lincoln Memorial Dr.
7. Drive a semi or other heavy vehicle across the Hoan Bridge
8. Ask for turkey sausage at Usinger's
9. Expect most folks to get dressed up for anything
10. Tell Brewer ushers you don't have your ticket
11. Drive less than 85 mph to Chicago
12. Jaywalk
13. Not complain about the weather
14. Park during a snow emergency
15. Bet on the Brewers winning the World Series
16. Pay list price for anything
17. Criticize the Packers when they're winning
18. Give away the password to the Safe House
19. Be pregnant and wear a bikini at Summerfest
20. Spit off the Summerfest tram
21. Shout, "Look at them mullets!" at State Fair
22. Mistake sheep dung for Cream Puff at State Fair
23. Enter pie-eating contest at State Fair activity dome
24. Ask someone in Door County or Lake Geneva, "What's a FIB?"
25. Use the TYME machine at Summerfest, when you're in a hurry
26. Taste the greasy stain on the bus or taxi window
27. Use a YMCA Stairmaster when someone else is signed up

28. Feed bread to the geese (it expands in their stomachs, you know)
29. Order a beer at Bryant's or At Random
30. Light up at the Bong Rec Area
31. Ride the Milwaukee Ducks without snorkeling gear
32. Try to use a credit card at Ma Fischer's
33. Decline a dance with Freeway at a Bucks game
34. Make fun of Milwaukee accent in Packard Ave. bar
35. Buy Brewers tickets from a scalper
36. Wear "No Fat Chicks" shirt at local mall
37. Go to Northridge and ask, "where'd all the stores go?"
38. Order a hamburger on Friday at Serb Hall
39. Wear Vikings hat to local Hooters
40. Touch dancers at West Allis strip club
41. Take "Touch TMJ4" slogan too literally and assault Mike Gousha ("the TV told me to")
42. Suggest new building project designed by someone other than Santiago Calatrava
43. Attempt to cut in on "Red and Fred" at Jazz in the Park or River Rhythms
44. Suggest to George Watts that he move his store to the end of the Park East Freeway
45. Attempt to fly anywhere directly from Mitchell Airport (Midwest Express excluded, of course)
46. Go to Potawatomi without a pack of cigarettes
47. Shout Bingo for fun in crowded casino
48. Tell Scott Steele that Albert the Alleycat could kick Spunky's butt
49. Call Mayor Norquist, shout, "sweet apple pie" or "light rail blows," then hang up

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50. Stand on any Milwaukee street corner, attempt to hail a cab
51. Take an afternoon swim in the Milwaukee River
52. Ask about the clocks at George Webb
53. Dial 414 when you should've dialed 262

54. Be surprised when Brewers trade top talent for aging former unproven great
55. Be surprised when Milwaukee sports failure becomes superstar after being traded
56. Taste the paint from your County Stadium seat
57. Trust the weatherman
58. Ask for custard at Baskin-Robbins/31 Flavors
59. Expect that renewing your drivers license will only take 10 minutes
60. Don't pay your parking tickets
61. Forget that property taxes increase each and every year
62. Expect a great daily news paper
63. Hail "God mobile" as it drives down Wisconsin Ave., attempt to confess sins to driver
64. Expect Bo Black and the Mayor to kiss and make up
65. Ask anyone in the Valley where that smell comes from
66. Expect to hear good music on a commercial FM radio station
67. Forget to wear sunglasses when looking at the huge Firstar sign
68. Invite Mark Chmura to your teenage daughter's birthday party
69. Try to convert your downtown bar into a strip club
70. Park your RV and five junker cars on your Mequon lawn
71. Ride your bike in a winter snowstorm
72. Suggest a mandatory reduction in summertime fireworks displays
73. Order a thick steak at Beans & Barley
74. Throw rocks at the Domes
75. Order a Guinness at the Milwaukee Ale House
76. Make a right turn in front of the bus
77. Try to recover your stolen possessions at the Seven Mile Fair
78. Make Sopranos references at Giovanni's
79. Expect to hear anything at Taylor's besides the same song over and over again
80. Skip Opening Day because you have "too much work to do"
81. Say "It's too cold to go to Lambeau"

82. Wear "Cryptosporidium Rules" t-shirt to MMSD Christmas Party
83. Call Charlie Sykes and try to get a word in edgewise
84. Steal someone's roped-off spot at the Circus Parade
85. Leave voice mail for Bob Reitman, asking "What's with the vest?"
86. Expect the police chief to make a public statement
87. Vote just once if you're a Marquette student
88. Eat at Sizzler
89. Sip from vials attached to lamp posts and telephone poles
90. Eat that 1991 Ambrosia chocolate bar
91. Eat more than a bowl of Real Chili shortly before a first date
92. Say "Charge us whatever you think is fair" to your server at the 4th Base
93. Go to Coerper's 5 O' Clock Club and say you want a fish fry
94. Try to trade Geoff Jenkins and Jeromy Burnitz for Santiago Calatrava and two minor league prospects
95. Go to Capitol Court to buy the new Dan Fogelberg Anthology boxed set
96. Take your kids to the M&M Club because you think it is a candy store
97. Open a health and fitness center for softball players
98. Let your son cheer the Cardinals when they play the Brewers
99. Wear sandals in the Summerfest men's room
100. See Tom Green eating pizza at Filippo's, yell "Elvis sucks"

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