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 | By Anjl Rodee & Marilynn Mee  Special to OnMilwaukee.com E-mail author | Author bio More articles by Anjl Rodee & Marilynn Mee |
| Published Dec. 15, 2007 at 2:52 p.m. |
|
Each week, local "women about town" Anjl Rodee and Marilynn Mee answer OnMilwaukee.com readers' questions about relationships, romance and whatever else is on your mind. They point out that this column is "for entertainment purposes only," but they mostly say that so they don't get sued. Send your questions to Anjl and Marilynn at anjlandmarilynn@staff.onmilwaukee.com.
Dear Anjl & Marilynn,
Do Cougar relationships really work?
Dear Cougar Curious,
Marilynn: YES. Next question?
Anjl: God, I hope so ... for those of you playing along at home, women who habitually prey on younger men are referred to as urban cougars. How much older does a woman have to be to earn the cougar moniker?
MM: Good question, Anjl. And I don't think there is an answer for that. Which is unfair, when you think about it. It never seems to matter how much older a man is than a woman in a relationship, unless there is a 40-year difference. With women, five or six years seems to be all it takes.
AR: Well, I'm going to say that 10 years is the cougar realm. That way I feel much less creepy about myself.
MM: Funny, I was gonna say 15 years, for the same reason.
AR: OK, seriously, now. Do they work? I don't see why not. I've never seen one fall apart due directly to the age difference.
MM: My last serious relationship was with a guy 15 years younger. We were together for almost 11 years. We'll call him "Micah."
AR: Names are changed to protect the innocent ... Micah? Not so innocent.
MM: I won't bore you with the gory details, however I will tell you that it was one of the healthiest relationships I've ever been in, and the breakup had very little to do with our age difference.
AR: My guy is eight years younger than me. Our ages never come up. If the age gap doesn't factor in when things are good, I wouldn't think it would be a major part of a breakup ...
MM: I've never been one to say, "Thank goodness for Hollywood," but thanks to Demi Moore, Sharon Stone and the entire casts of "Sex in the City" and "Desperate Housewives," it's become almost vogue for Cougar relationships. Not to mention, women are taking better care of themselves and looking good at an older age.
Just beware of younger guys who are just getting in on the trend, "jumping on the Cougar Wagon."
AR: Is that such a bad thing? I say ride that storm while it's blowing through town.
MM: This is a much better trend than legwarmers and short shorts. For those interested in more information, go to www.urbancougar.com. You can get hunting tips, view the Urban Cougar of the Month.
AR: When you use terms like "hunting" and "prey," it sounds so sordid and evil ... maybe we should be warning the poor naïve young boys ...
MM: Let's save our sympathy for children and senior citizens. And by the way, the whole Cougar thing implies that it's all about sex. Demi Moore is proof that it has more potential than just being a hookup. We're both proof of that.
AR: I didn't choose Joe because he was younger. I preyed on him because he's incredibly good looking. The younger man thing was just a happy bonus.
MM: Exactly. Same for me and Micah. As much as people would like to think it was all about my wanting to relive my 20s, it was all about who he is as a person. If anything, the age difference was just an annoyance because other people wanted to make a big deal about. It all comes down to what people are like on the inside. And whether it's legal.
AR: So, do Cougar relationships work? We say a resounding YES. And we intend to spend many more years proving it.
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11 comments about this article. Post a comment / write a review. |
Recent Talkbacks ...
Posted by theadviceangel on Jan. 21, 2008 at 7:37 p.m. (report)
HICHI MAMA!!! My hat, coat and scarf are OFF to you, Bibit! I think I'm going to call in to the powers that be here at OnMilwaukee and request that your comment just entirely replace our half-ass written advice... I like how you think! Say, if you ever get my good friend Mase to climb up a tree to fetch some bread or fruit, could you call me first? I think I'd like to see that...
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Posted by BibitMagnus on Jan. 14, 2008 at 8:47 a.m. (report)
Here are some quick reflections on your 'Cougar Women' article and How 'Women w/o Cougar Inclinations' Feel it is Best to Try and Practice the Art of Love Finding-Identifying ... all this not necessarily in an orderly fashion. No time to edit today! Your article seems rather surface-oriented and barbaric. To 'prey' on someone because of the 'looks', seems rather antiquated or even cro-magnum. I prefer to make them do stunts. More on that later.....in just a moment. First for example, if I am considering a new mate, when one appears on the scene, these things I note: Is he first marked by interest in me? Are his ears, feet, and words, mouth pointing in my direction? What is he saying? Get real. This should be more than: Are his phermones jarting at me? What does he look like to me with my eyes closed? So, what is his body language telling me at this point? Be scientific. Do not be carnal. Assume that he is 'taken' and wait for all the right signals. The reasoning is that, all good men have a lady by their side usually, either in the past, currently or eventually, and you must wait for things to unfold. Pouncing is out of the question. Never hurt a Sister or a Brother. Moving to early could damage the neurosis of those whom we are about to explore. Humans are freaks and fragile. So hang back and watch, women always get hurt first, anyways. Just do a good turn, and think without malice, and be sober. Then work him like a dog and pony show. Don't give into low scores in any places. I do not consider his attractiveness yet. That part is too easy. esp. in a world where women are inordinately judged for their physical beauty. The pattern is ugly and must be stopped. Male or female. I have seen earthly beauty cause more pain than pleasure. Is LUST not one of the deadly sins? Stay focussed on the big picture heathens! Otherworldly love or. Love that is out of this world is the answer. Hope is a plan. AS I clear my throat, I notice character of dress. I do secretly study his eye movements, and I do listen for slurred speech, and listen for communication skills. Afterall, we are in Tap City. I also assume, that if he is attractworthy, he already has a mate or two that he has to feign off prior to starting any new coup. So I remain in no hurry, and work into the study slowly. Afterall, I have identified my personal reasons for a relationship to myself prior, and it does not have alot to do with facial structure, nor younger age. In fact, if he is visibly younger or older than you, in particularly, do not get into bed with them ever. Moving on.... Then the stunts begin. Oops, but first: I determine the validity, or set ground rules, of the social or work setting and determine if it is a viable condition for a healthy relationship. If it is a bar, then it has zero chance of survival rate if their is a significant age gap, so that direction should not even be a factor. That stands to reason, I am sure most would agree. If we worked together or met on the job, while one or both people at work, the survival rate is 20%, all these factor into trust, a major component in playing for keeps. After that, then I make him do the physical feat of some sort. In Jamaica, I once asked a prospective mate to climb a tree and get the Bread fruit down. I noted how he did it. Does he loft the Bread fruit onto the chicken coop? Or does it crack open on the ground? In West Allis, I asked one man to tear apart and replace my head gasket on my 89 Colony Park. In Milwaukee, I asked one if he could help me clean up my yard. Men are very handy and enjoy showing their strengths. It gives them honor, in most cases. You can get really technical with it, if they have some special literary skills etc. Let them strut their stuff. Let them woo you and amaze you. Be careful because you do not want to have him giving you work related services, that is too much of a crossover. There are a whole new set of discoveries to unearth of you head in that direction. Check to see how he feels about Paul McCartney. That is like giving' the fruits' a metaphorical squeeze. If he has balls, he will say yes. If, No, then run. Does he smoke? I look at that as well. How does he feel about Legalization? I question him on his woodworking skills, and ask him what type of home loan he has. 30 year fixed? Once I am satisfied, I can allow him to then submit a request for a date, written or phoned, or maybe send some sort of invite via e-mail. How you do that is up to you. Tell him that you'd be interested in discussing some activity or hobby that you have unearthed about him, and suggest that you discuss it further. Flirt naturally if he is single, no one likes a bullshitter, if his singleness is undiscovered, let nothing ride. Walk. I then adhere to remembering if his answers proved solvency, or at least solicited a small fraction of security reassurement or enhancement? Am I going because I am intrigued or just killing time? I do this to be emotionally honest with myself, and it little matters later if it is 'meant to be'. It is not until I go on a date with him do I determine if his features are something that I can study in light and angle for the next 50 odd years, but still not before I notice the timbre and pitch of his voice. Does it have a lilt to it? I abhor whiners, and I know this about myself. After that, I prefer to study peoples reaction to his physical features, take note on his charisma effects on other people and his reaction to them and those reactions. Does he need attention from those around him? Is he crazy? In this world one just cannot be too careful. Mental stability and clear reasoning is the most important factors, plus a healthy lifestyle, and LOOKS....Angry and Bitter Sounding Cougars, they are definitely NOT a hi-priority, Ms. confusers of age and beauty. What IS important is their self identity being healthy, and I prefer original, and by that I mean, not contrived or overburdened by society's oft wicked imprint....any negative social imprint should be avoided, if that can happen...I mean you still can fall head first in a vat full of abuse, but strive to handle all essentials in a safe and orderly fashion. Yet, make it look like you are not all about the 'cold and calculative' though. Otherwise we could just call you Hilary or Barbara for that matter. After all things are a go, then cataclysm onward, as nature is calling now....and no time like the present to craft a careful longstanding relationship-non cougaresque and in style.
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Posted by ericaconway on Dec. 18, 2007 at 11:49 a.m. (report)
Relationships, like anything else, evolve between two mutually interested parties. The comments by Mase and those that followed echo the ignorant sentiments once heard most frequently by homophobic young men, afraid of being hit on by gay men. If ANYONE hits on you (regardless of age, gender, color, etc.) it's up to you to determine your interest. If you're not interested, be flattered and courteous, it's good dating Karma. I'm sure you've been turned down once or twice in a bar, I hope whomever turned you down was flattered and courteous as well. And look, as a self-proclaimed cougar, I've had some really fun experiences, which I'm confident were mutual. We're not always the instigators either...Cougar haters go hunt somewhere else, we're not looking for you in the first place. :)
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Posted by scruffy on Dec. 18, 2007 at 12:32 a.m. (report)
MM, I got your message you never wrote back . LOL
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Posted by TosaJimBob on Dec. 17, 2007 at 10:32 a.m. (report)
I met Ms Mee at a doggy park last summer....she's very personable, charming and has a great smile....and attractive...sigh....to be young again....as far as the age thing goes...as long as both parties benefit and nobody gets hurt...who cares?
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Show me the other 6 Talkbacks
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